Avatar Newsboost – Mash gets another helping hand

Mash mania continues to spread across the United Kingdom after yet another mash-related announcement courtesy of fashion and textile guru Laura Ashley who revealed that there would be a stunning ensemble as part of their Autumn line-up.

Four distinct sets of unique furniture are set to be released around September 2023 each centred on the idea and philosophy of mash. Although no images have been provided to the press yet, we do have the following details:

Set 1 – The Comf

A beautiful and timeless set piece. Three extra large armchairs all able to accommodate either one person luxuriously or two people comfortably. The daring absence of a sofa is only complimented further by the chrome caster feet and Atherton pale natural fabric. Whether you’re young at heart or feeling your age, you’ll feel fantastic in the Comf. Available in four distinct colours: beige, white, pale yellow and light grey.

Set 2 – The Stern

Taking furniture seriously is what we do and there is nothing more serious than The Stern, two medium-sized sofas adorned with style and substance. Straightened orthopaedic back support, claustrophobic right angles and very little cushioning, you’ll feel “it” as soon as you enter the room. The Gloucester button back style will turn heads. Available in four dazzling colours: white, pale yellow, light grey and beige.

Set 3 – The Playful

If you’ve got a modern family then you need a modern sofa to accommodate everyone. The Playful has got you covered with a generous eight-seater sofa and two mock-tabulous armchairs. The end of the sofa has a tiny helter skelter which leads down into a ball pool for the little ones. The chairs can be readjusted and attached to the side of the sofa to make it even bigger, similar to a series of toys that are more than meet the eye but cannot be referenced here for legal reasons. Available in four scintillating colours: “whacky” yellow, “ambiguous” grey, “fun” beige and “joyous” white.

Set 4 – The Druid

Minimalistic and harsh, yes, but also leading the pack in terms of fashion. This limited edition singular armchair is for the keen collector. Made out of 300lb of solid mash, the Druid will take you on an adventure that you’re probably not ready for. Bolstered by the Anneliese Natural-esque padding of the mash and small release number of only 100, you will need to be quick to get your greasy mitts on this standout entry. Available in one colour: mash.

The more we read the more everything sounds so delicious. Pre-orders for the new items will be available shortly after the unveil in September so keep posted for more news.

The British Mash Council (BMC) are yet to comment although we expect them to be brimming with glee.

9 comments on “Newsboost – Mash gets another helping hand

  • I’ve read this twice now and it made me laugh out loud both times. It’s the bit about being available in only one colour. Hurrah for mash.

  • Yes. Mash is a force of nature, and also an act of god. Remember that next time you have to make a claim on your car insurance for mash-related damage.

  • Oh I don’t think mash would ever hurt us. To turn on its own council, it’s own support, to bite the hand that feeds it (metaphorically speaking of course) would be so out of character.

  • It’s nice here in the British Mash Council, safely cocooned in the comforting and protective confines of a big pile of mash. Sticky, yes, and a bit oily. But warm and cosy.

  • If we didn’t do that, it would be hard for people to take the British Mash Council seriously. It is our DUTY, god damn it, to make a big cosy nest of hot mash and immerse ourselves in it, eight hours a day, five days a week, in what would otherwise be our offices.

  • Too right. If people aren’t getting excited about it then clearly the answer is to hurl yourself down a steep hill while wearing it. That should make the headlines.

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