Scientists have done it once again and have officially announced that a new superfood has been created.
Top boffins at the Food Science Laboratory in East Sussex have managed to genetically modify an avocado with a punnet of blueberries to create the world’s first (presumably) SUPER super food; the Bluebocado.
This means that by eating one you would be getting the same disease-fighting antioxidants (anthocyanins if you want to get super technical) of blueberries coupled with the healthy monounsaturated fats, fibre, potassium and various vitamins such as K, E and C of avocados. We were unable to obtain a picture prior to this article but can only describe it as looking like a giant green ostrich egg with a blue wig.
“We have been working hard at developing something that was even more nutritious and even more satisfying than your standard average superfoods,” scoffs leading scientist Blemodine Advocate, “the demand for better foods has far outstripped what nature is capable of. I mean they gave us the tools with which to survive so we should be grateful for that. There is only so much that they can do though. You don’t see bees mixing uh uh a melon with a dandelion to create a refreshing drink, that’s something that we humans have to do.”
The Bluebocado was revealed in a press conference in London two days ago and since then the fervor on social media has reached peak levels:
- “I NEED that superfood in my life RIGHT NOW,” said Twitter user Tenfor10UK
- “I’ll sell my kids to get something that special,” gushed MotherofthreeMcGee79
- “When it goes on sale, I’m calling in sick at work and I’m going to eat four of them at the same time,” murmured the quaintly named cuDDlebuCKet88
The Food Standards Agency has approved all the paperwork of the Bluebocado so there is nothing to stop it going on general sale at the start or next month. That said, some have questioned whether it is as fancy and sophisticated as it is being made out to be.
“It sounds amazing,” said celebrity food pusher Quentin Woodcock, “it sounds incredible, but what does it actually taste like? People haven’t been allowed to sample the bluebocado prior to the release which is unusual. They did the press conference, and you could look at it but not taste it. Blueberries and avocados have two very different dynamic flavours, and I am unsure as to whether they would work together.”
We took that question to Blemodine Advocate. “It tastes as you would expect it to taste; superfluous! We’ve combined two superfruits to create a mega superfruit, or megafruit (we’re still deciding on the official moniker). You’ll get four of your five a day from two bites. You’ll get all the benefits or both fruits. It’s reasonably priced too unless you’re buying it from Waitrose.”
As with most things, only time will tell if the story of the super duper megafruit will have a happy ending or it will leave us all with a sour taste in our mouths.
12 comments on “Newsboost – the super megafood”
What I want to know is where I can get hold of vitamins F to J.
I’ll tell you where you can pick up your effing vitamins F to J. I’ll tell you (in my next reply).
I’m looking forward to it. I’ve started a new page in my exercise book and written today’s date and the title “Where I Can Pick Up My Effing Vitamins F to J”, and then double underlined it with a ruler. I’m ready.
Well, hold your horses there sonny. Before you can pick up dem vitamins you need to work out how many pound minutes it will take to get them.
You were very clear that you were going to tell me in your next reply. But your next reply hasn’t delivered the goods. I assume there’s some sort of Pouring Beans Ombudsman I can complain to.
The PB Ombudsman will only consider your complaint if you can tell him how many pound minutes were wasted during the process.
I’m going to put this on hold while I make a complaint to the PB Ombudsman about the existence of pound minutes.
Riiight then. Did somebody call me? I got the job of PB Ombudsman a few years ago after the Character Hatch was sealed up and the Saint King failed to perform the required duties.
What’s Ian been doing now? It’s always Ian.
Oh god. You know what… it doesn’t matter.
(Quick quick, change the subject and move on!)
There’s nothing to see here, Smidge, you can go back to wheezing out your bushes or whatever you normally do when you’re not working.
Riiight. Now then. I hope you know its a PB constitutional crime to abuse the Ombudsman. The the the the punishment is 5 days down the Character Hatch™.
I’m sorry Smidge *turns on a blender* I CAN’T HEAR YOU LAD. YOU’LL HAVE TO CATCH ME LATER!