Avatar One for the Doggos

I’m so lazy. Look at me and be uninspired. Just look at me, one big ol’ slobbery mess. I haven’t looked this bad since that stage in my teens when I was gelling up my fringe; a tidal wave of greasy hair fixed in place. God, what was I thinking? It was aggressively bad. Now is worse though. Since the lockdown all I have done is indulge in everything I can get my chubby paws on. I find myself daydreaming about desserts. You know in cartoons when hungry characters start hallucinating? Last week I looked over and where Reuben should have been was a roast ham. It is time for a change.

As Kevin has confessed that he has a soft spot for the doggos, I have done a thing and signed up for a sponsored walk. In May I will be raising money for guide dogs by walking up and down my flat. Yes, it sounds insane and I reckon that by the end of it I may have finally crossed the line, gone through the looking glass. Is it worth it for the doggos? Of course it is. I plan to walk 100,000 steps to get some much needed cashola / dough ray me / fresh bread for Guide Dogs. In order to keep it realistic, I have set a target of £100.00 which would be enough to buy a kit for one guide dog trainer.

It takes 52 steps to walk from the front door to the window in the living room and back again. Based on my poor grasp of maths, I will have to do this 1,924 times in order to accumulate the aforementioned total of 100,000 steps. I have a full week in order to pin down this sucker, which means if I can manage about 275 times each day that should be enough.

If I had Kevin’s legs, which we all know are thrice the length of a normal person’s legs, I would be able to get from front door to window in a handful of leaps. I believe that would make the process a lot more tiresome so I am grateful for my small leg span and smaller step count.

Nobody is rich at the moment. The world is in chaos. I say this sat wearing an Adventure Time hat to keep the hair out of my eyes (my fringe has seriously lost the plot, it needs a chop). Am I still in my pyjamas? What day is it again? The point is that if you can, please sponsor Chesty at the link below:


Remember: the doggos have noggos and without the training they cannot help the peopoggos.

12 comments on “One for the Doggos

  • Is it going to cost you more than the £100 you’ll raise to repair your carpet after 2,000 journeys up and down the hall?

  • I can always alternate by going into bedrooms, bathroom and kitchen. I expect once I get a sweat on I’ll be making regular trips to the kitchen for a drink. Getting massively whammed on Jack Daniels is probably not a good idea though. I should have done a sponsored drink.

  • Now I’m imagining you, in your running vest and short shorts, exhausted and dripping with sweat from a day of walking around your flat, pouring a bottle of Jack Daniels over your head like a marathon runner with a bottle of ice cold water.

  • Tempting, very tempting, yet one should not waste the Jacketh Daniels in that manner. It is far too precious to be thrown over a sweaty yeti (and my carpet would stanch of booze too).

  • You could always do it while standing in the bath, with the plug in, and then no JD is lost. You can simply slurp it up with a straw.

  • (My legs really ache)

    I don’t have a bath. I’d have to perch over the sink in the kitchen? Would that work?

    I like the idea of slurping with a straw though.

  • I don’t have a bath, I have a shower. It’s not a shower room though because other things are in it. What’s a collective term for a bathroom without a bath?

  • Can we add in some brackets so it looks vaguely scientific?

    Bath(less)room or

    Bath < room (which doesn't make any sense but I was trying to be "clever").

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Optionally upload an image to accompany your comment (JPG only)