Avatar A Mild Irritant

Let’s crack open February with something I need to vent.

There is a lollipop man that works in the same place I work. Not the same building, obviously, but further down the road. His beat, if you will, is on the high street and like with most lollipop men and women it is his job to ensure the safety of people crossing the road. Surely this must be a mistake then? What could I possibly have against this person, this figurehead of the people? It’s very simple.

Let’s split this into three sections:

1) He’s a grump. I may be a grump too however I recognise the moments when to revel in the grump and when to respond to people who are being polite. In my first few weeks walking to and from work I attempted on numerous occasions to smile and communicate positivity towards him and he ignored every single one.

2) He only gets his lollipop out (wa-hey!) for mothers with children and older members of the community. He doesn’t move if you’re me, or you, or someone else who isn’t elderly or pulling a three year old like an overturned wheelie bin.

The worst and most annoying of the three…

3) Where he works, where he crosses the road, where he helps people to cross there is a pelican crossing. There is absolutely NO NEED for him to do what he is being paid to do. You press the button, the green man appears and you cross the road. There is no requirement for his being there. He is completely obsolete. I don’t want anyone to lose their job unless they have to but, for the love of flumps, if someone is paying this man they need to stop.

There. I said it. You can all judge me now if you want to.

Avatar Meat

Time for some serious discussion here on PB…

meats

What is your favourite meat?

You can, and must,¬†ONLY choose one of the following, unless you want to add another, and then you can, that’s fine too:

  • Beef
  • Pork
  • Lamb
  • Chicken
  • Fish (they’re all the same)
  • Horse
  • Sausages

Avatar A new album from The Papples

I’m delighted to announce that a brand new album from the world’s favourite band, The Papples, is on the way very soon. It will be their first new music since 2011’s “Pop Squared”.

Their fourth studio recording is titled The Eponymous Album and features an exciting collaboration with reclusive genius Kevil.

The Eponymous Album by The Papples
Cover art for “The Eponymous Album” by The Papples

The full track listing was leaked to Pouring Beans earlier today and I can exclusively reveal it here.

  1. Introductingtons
  2. Mincey Beef
  3. Dancin’ With My Truss On
  4. Dirty Chips (feat. Kevil)
  5. My Shoes
  6. Dizzy Wizards
  7. Only You
  8. Rainbow Seeker
  9. Jenny Lewis Has a Dirty Mouth
  10. (Do It)
  11. Sexatronic
  12. Outroductingtons

The Papples themselves were unavailable for comment but are believed to be planning a major world tour.

Avatar Marketing strategy

Now that the New Beans has launched, we clearly need a new slogan to advertise this significant new public service to the masses.

I know we had a great slogan before, on the original Pouring Beans site – “Taller than fourteen owls on a ladder and twice as elegant” – but I don’t think it really sums up what we’re about these days.

I’d prefer something simpler, for the short attention span of the internet age. My proposal is just¬†“&”. It’s clean, simple, conveys our core values and it’s totally unique. It also doesn’t take long to type.

If you have any alternative proposals for our new slogan, please post them here.