At long last, football fever is here again! Come and join us on the Beans for the lowdown on this year’s best new last year’s footsporting tournament, the InterSportball Euroleague 2020!
How does it work?
All the countries in Europe, excluding some obviously European countries like Ireland and Luxembourg but inexplicably including several countries that are mostly in Asia like Russia and Turkey, are sending teams of footballists to a range of places in Europe and also some places outside Europe to go play footballs at each other.
Every single team of footballsters has about eleven men, and no women at all. The men are all good at kicking, running along doing little kicks to move the ball around without anyone else getting it, running at other men and doing kicks at just the right time to get the ball off them, and sliding along the grass on their knees. The point of the InterSportball Euroleague 2020 is to find out which team of footbollogists are the best ones.
What kind of footballs are being played?
All 24 teams are playing sportball according to the Queensbury Rules, which are:
- It’s a game of two halves
- No wrestling or hugging
- A man hanging on the ropes in a helpless state, with his toes off the ground, shall be considered offside
- The gloves to be fair sized boxing gloves of the best quality
- No shoes or boots with springs allowed
At the start of the game both teams bring their favourite football to the sports arena and the referee chooses the one they like most to be used for the match. Most teams are bringing circular footballs with a black and white design on them, but England have chosen an orange one that reminds them of 1966, Wales are bringing an oval rugby egg and Germany have opted for a nice stripey beach ball.
Who is playing who?
Every team is playing every other team, making a total of 276 matches in the initial stage of the tournament. Three matches are played every day so this will go on until mid-September.
At the end, there will be the Grand Final, where all 24 teams play each other all at once, with 24 footballs on the pitch, at a specially built ground in Belgium that has 24 sides, 24 goals and a pitch that covers eight floors with escalators between them. The match will continue until one of the teams has scored a hundred goals.
The winners of the Grand Final will be declared the Best at Football and will pick up the Ian Botham Trophy for Best International Kicking.
Time to get out there and enjoy all the football! You can watch the football in every pub in the UK, all the time, or at home on the TV, and if you’re watching a game that’s being shown live from a hot country, don’t forget to wear sunscreen.
8 comments on “InterSportball Euroleague 2020”
I am most excited for the final which sounds like the most exciting thing slice electric bread was invented. I am on fire for this one.
The final isn’t until September, so you should probably not be on fire for at least some of the intervening time. I know the footsports are exciting but I don’t think it’s worth burning yourself to ashes for them.
I’ll put the matches down and place the flammable materials back in the cupboard then. I was so close to singing my eyebrows for the footsports. Why such a long wait?
Because there’s so much sport to do in the meantime. It’s just not worth being completely ablaze for the whole tournament. Try just being a bit too warm or putting your hand in a toaster if you feel like you really can’t contain yourself.
I didn’t watch the final on Sunday but when I went for a jog I did go past at least a dozen hours who were watching it. Not once in my travels did I see any of the fun mentioned in your post.
You probably weren’t looking very hard. The fun was deeply nuanced and not for the likes of you.
Is it too late for me to look for the fun? Is it still going on?
No, sadly the fun has ended and won’t be back. No fun for you. Ever. The end.