There are many complex and bewildering technologies to master in my new job, but probably none more complex or bewildering than the robotic dancing alarm monkey.
Alarms go off quite regularly, you see. We look after technical things, lots of them, and the technical things are all wired up to an alarm system, so when something goes wrong it comes up on a screen and an alarm goes off. Then we press a button to make the noise stop and see if anything needs to be done.
The alarm could just come out of a speaker. That would certainly make sense. Instead, though, it’s been wired up to an animatronic monkey with inbuilt speakers. He makes the alarm sound, and he dances from side to side while he makes it. By such means the announcement of a potentially catastrophic system failure is made delightfully charming. This is, with no danger of overstatement whatsoever, one of the best things about my job.
If you have a need to make noises in your job, I would recommend getting yourself a dancing monkey. You won’t regret it.
14 comments on “The dancing monkey”
Which part of the monkey does the alarm come out of?
I’ve investigated the structure of the monkey and the configuration of the high-tech electronic hardware contained within him, and ascertained that the alarm comes out of his ass.
I was hoping that you’d say that. Monkey Alarm Ass. Ass Monkey Alarm
That monkey has an alarming ass.
He literally does. He’s a chimp-ass-zee.
Oh, you see what you did there, what you did RIGHT there, that was a perfect dad joke moment right there.
How long did it take you to come up with that?
Seconds. Literally seconds.
(Everything takes seconds. The question is: how many?)
You’re so wise. So the last time I asked you to help me move and you said you were on your way, exactly how many seconds would you have needed to reach Newcastle upon Tyne?
18 hours? I find that very hard to believe, because that’s how long it takes to drive along the A19 during rush hour on an average day.
Or, to add to the hilarity, that’s how long an average journey on the Metro takes.
A19 apologises with a capital A. That’s a much better apology.
A19 Tries its best. It may not always deliver, but it always tries.
The M60 took a dump at your front door and only looked back to give you the finger.