User avatarAre you Common?

Look at you.

Who are you? What do you do? Are you common? I know that it is not very politically correct to ask this question however it needs to be asked. I know that I am common, mainly from the state of my shoes, but also because I eat like a duck with two mouths and I’ve never paid more than £20.00 for a plate of food. I am safe in the knowledge that I am common.

How can I be sure of this though? Is there a test I can take?

Of course there is. Following on from the raging success of my Cake ‘Appropriate Girlfriend (short skirt, long jacket)’ questionnaire now comes the ‘How Common are you?’ questionnaire, mainly based on the lyrics of the popular song ‘Common People’ by Pulp. Depending on how many of these metaphysical boxes you tick (because I don’t know how to ‘do’ boxes on here) dictates how common you, as in you, are. Take a squint at these.

Have you ever:

  • Rented a flat above a shop?
  • Cut you hair?
  • Got a job?
  • Smoked some fags?
  • Played some pool?
  • Pretended you never went to school?

Based on these, I can tick five out of the six boxes. I have never officially got a job and instead make my money by spinning pennies for sailors down at the socks. Do we still have docks? Yes, we still have docks.

That’s what I do. How common are you?

3 comments to Are you Common?

  • Based on the results of this very thorough and in-depth survey, I also score 5 common points. However I have never rented a flat above a shop.

    What you get up to with sailors’ socks is your own business my friend.
    We aint judging. (We are judging).

  • Ah, silly me. Another typographical error and I didn’t even realise. What a to do.

    I meant to write down at the ‘Qocks’, a very popular haberdashery down by the Tyne Bridge.

  • I am four out of six common. I live in a flat above a shop at the moment, so perhaps that counts for two, in which case I’m a solid five.

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