Category: Historical

Avatar Wang Four Stars

Years ago I used to sometimes get the train home from Blackfriars station. This was around the time they were just starting the process of completely rebuilding it, and one of the first things they did was take the light-up advertising poster frames off the walls. Behind them were lots of paper posters, presumably the last ones to be put up before the frames went in. They all seemed to date from the late 1980s.

There was all sorts of old advertising on display, some older than others, but this one caught my eye. It’s for an event called Wang Four Stars.

Yes, charity was the winner back in June 1988 at this event hosted by Jimmy Tarbuck and Terry Wogan, and sponsored by, er, Wang.

Presumably large numbers of people were expected to make the journey to Moor Park to watch celebrities play a round of golf. Maybe there wasn’t much to do in 1988. Other big names teeing off for a good cause included Cliff Thorburn, Sean Connery, Kevin Keegan, Russ Abbot and Shakin’ Stevens.

The poster is at pains to point out that there will be professional golfers, leading “personalities” and excellent catering facilities.

And, as it also makes clear, it’s all thanks to Wang.

Avatar Logical Dreamscape: that Rachel Stevens dream

Right, it’s about time we find out what’s going on here.

For too long I have wept in the shadows from the trauma of that Rachel Stevens dream from some twenty-seven (possibly) years ago. I need to take the bull by the horns and try to interpret what my brain was trying to tell me at the time in my life. I was young, hormonal, somewhat deranged, floating in a puddle of filth.

When I need explanations I turn to the friend we all need; dreamdictionary.org. Let’s have a brief recap as to what happened:

“I’m somewhere on Garforth main street when I meet Rachel Stevens from up-and-coming pop group S Club 7. She’s a little bit alluring, somewhat flirty but mainly pushy. She’s very, very pushy.

She takes me up a flight of stairs to a fairly plain corridor with only one door and a wooden chair outside. She makes me sit on the chair and goes into the room behind the door. When she emerges, she has a plate of salad and a fork in her hands. She then proceeds to angrily eat the salad making constant eye contact with me throughout the whole experience.”

I hope I haven’t misremembered what could be a pivotal turning point in my life. Anyway, let’s turn to the dictionary for an insight into the troubled mind of a teenage youth.

First, let’s pick out the main points:

  • Street, celebrity / singer, woman, stairs, corridor, wooden chair, salad, anger

Now let’s see what the dream dictionary says:

  • Street – walking along on the street could imply our current life’s path. Take note of what is around you and write down all the symbols because it may have hidden gems that might help you out (I don’t remember anything).
  • Celebrity – this represents our own desires to be noticed or unacknowledged potential that needs to be explored.
  • Woman – According to Jung, a man dreams of his anima; the feminine within the masculine psyche that needs to be integrated. In dreams a women represents wisdom, love and protection.
  • Stairs – there is nothing for stairs.
  • Corridor – there is nothing for corridor.
  • Wooden chair – when we dream of a chair it symbolises our need to take it easy. You need to take a break from you busy schedule and rest. You are working yourself to the bone and this dream is your unconscious tell you to calm down.
  • Salad – there is nothing for salad, there is nothing for lettuce (I remember there was a lot of lettuce in that salad).
  • Anger – there is nothing for anger, I also tried looking for ‘rage’.

Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.

So, by meeting a celebrity woman on a street it meant that on my life path I wanted to be noticed. I don’t think Rachel Stevens represented wisdom, love or protection because she was so enraged with my very presence. If I was doing GCSEs or A levels around that time then the idea of taking it easy would make sense. Wanting to be noticed too does make sense because, shocked as it may be to hear this but, I wasn’t very popular during secondary school.

Huh. Maybe there is a little truth buried beneath the absurdity of it all.

Avatar Memory Flash: celebrities

When you were watching television as a kid did you ever notice a person or persons who seemed to be everywhere? I watched a lot of TV when I was young. I drank it all up at all times of the day. I would watch kid’s programmes very early on, mundane game shows and special interest programmes during the day and films that were definitely not for my age group late at night.

Those interest programs and gameshows though, they were something else. You’d be watching something like ‘Noel’s House Party’ and a particular someone would be there, and then they’d also be on ‘Blankety Blank’, and then you’d see them later on in the week on ‘Crosswits’. This person would always be there, no matter what you were watching on what channel. They still flash into my mind every now and then and the majority of them I have no idea why they’re famous. I thought it best to therefore look into the CVs of a select group so that we can all remember why

Lionel Blair

Lionel Blair was an actor, dance, choreographer, tap-dancer (I remember this about him the most, don’t ask me why) and television presenter. When he father died when he was thirteen, he became the breadwinner for the family and took to the stage to earn money. He briefly took on a career as an actor before deciding dancing was for him. His dance troupe appeared on a number of TV programmes in the 1960’s. He also appeared in the Beatles film ‘A Hard Day’s Night’ and was one of the team captains on the game show ‘Give us a Clue’ from 1979 until the early 1990s. Later on in his years, he earned up to £100,000 for a six-week run doing pantomimes. This is but a brief insight into what must have been a very illustrious career.

The Krankies

This was a husband and wife duo, Ian and Jannette respectively, where the latter dressed as a schoolboy called Wee Jimmy and the former was their umm paternal figure. Unusual setup aside, they began their comedy career performing on the circuit during the 1970s and were given a big break with a spot on the Royal Variety Performance. They released a series of pop singles and an album, they had roles on several television shows including Crackerjack (?) and the Joke Machine (??). In 2003, Wee Jimmy Krankie was voted ‘the most Scottish person in the world’ by readers of the Glasgow Herald. The most interesting aspect of all of this me looking at Wikipedia is that in 2009 they were invited onto the Paul O’Grady show for the pantomime special of ‘Sleeping Beauty’ in which Janette played a hooker and Ian played a rampant camel. Yes, you read that right. I’m sure that’s not the strangest part of their careers but hey ho.

Gary Wilmot (who?)

Wor Gazza needs no introduction. Already adept at singing and performing, his big break came in 1978 when he featured as part of a comedy double act with Judy McPhee (?) on ‘New Faces’. This then led to numerous appearances on ‘Copy Cats’, ‘Knees Ups, Cue Gary’ (??) and ‘The Keith Harris Show’ (???). In addition to co-presenting the kid’s quiz show ‘So You Want To Be Top’ (I’ve never heard of any of these things), he hosted something called ‘Showstoppers’ where wor Gaz would sing songs from musicals with special guests, although the main point of the show was for celebrities to learn and perform a song in ten days. Nobody cared about that mind. Gary was so popular that his original sixty dates taking the performance on tour had to be increased to one hundred and sixty due to phenomenal demand.

We all know his marvellous music career including such classic albums as Double Standards, The Album and, of course, Love Situation.

Gaz has dabbled in theatre too playing numerous roles in ‘A Midsummer Night’s Dream’, ‘The Pirates of Penzance’, ‘Chitty Chitty, Bang Bang’ and ‘The Wizard of Oz’. I personally remember him being the guy man in ‘Chicago’ when it was showing in Leeds around maybe 2010. Not because I actually went to see it but because I saw the poster in Leeds train station and took a photo of it (and I still have it somewhere).

I also saw him recently on Richard Osman’s ‘House of Games’ which was only showing last week however I can’t remember if it was a repeat or not.

There you have it. A comprehensive insight into the world of people who were around when we were growing up. It’s not too much of a understatement to say that there’s a lot going on here (especially for Lionel Blair, who knew?) and I would thoroughly encourage everyone to go do their own research.

Also, what happened to Rowland Rivron?

Avatar Long-awaited outcome

I was recently reminded that this exchange had happened while Ian and I were talking about gingerbread.

1 May 2025 was three weeks ago and I can confirm with pleasure that it was a fairly normal day. I was at work, where among other things I dealt with some emails about election coverage and logged a call with our facilities helpdesk to have a carpet cleaned following a minor water leak.

As a result I am pleased to confirm that my ability to see precisely five years into the future is working nicely. Or at least it was five years ago. If you want to know whether it’s still working now you’ll have to wait another five years.

Avatar Newsboost – unused material (part one)

You may or may not remember the Newsboost Twitter account that I started back in 2014. It was a way of force-feeding mega news into the public subconscious via a steady stream. I ran it for roughly a year before abandoning it as one of those Beans side projects that didn’t quite work out as well as we’d hoped.

I still have the same notebook that I jotted ideas in. Most of them were used but there were some that didn’t make the cut, possibly because they were too “radical” for the time or, which is much more likely, because they were utter nonsense that popped into my head for a moment and there was nothing I could do with it.

Anyway, here’s a short list of what could’ve been:

  • A good chair shouldn’t be sat upon
  • Portable sarcasm
  • Pointy beard serving posts (?)
  • Credit card gifts to children for irresponsible parents
  • Broom jacket
  • Aliens have given up on earth
  • Drive by serenades
  • Recycling man caught littering
  • Skeleton career guidance
  • Polar bears stealing chips
  • Tub Barsley promises a marrow for every household
  • Backwards cutlery for dieters
  • THE NOSE IS THE FACE ON THE BODY OF THE FACE
  • Chicken on drums
  • Slowest tortoise keyboardist fired
  • Big ass television comeback
  • Growling slippers
  • New number set to debut this Autumn
  • Chronic pigs

I’ve listed this as ‘part one’ because after turning over the page there’s so much more and one month where I’m not particularly feeling it, I can whip this out again for a quick win.

Proof that not every idea is a good idea (but every invention is a good invention).

Avatar Clompetition time (again again)

We’re back again to bother you with the possibility of having that briefest glimpse of hope of winning. Winning something? No, no, merely winning. You can’t put a price on that.

Today’s sponsor is Bluebocado, the fruit that never gives up. If you want the taste of blueberries with the hearty goodness of avocados then you need to get some Bluebocado in your life.

What sell by date did this attractive jar of marmalade have?

Avatar The jelly baby quiz: answers

Apparently when I set the jelly baby quiz way back in, I don’t know, the late 1990s, I promised that as well as prizes there would be answers. Well, the prize (singular) has now been distributed, so all that remains is to dig in to the answers to see how Kev came to be the winner.

Strap in for some detailed admin as we rake through all the questions, and everyone’s answers, one by one and in forensic detail.

Q1. Jelly is made using which animal product?

Jelly is produced using gelatine, which is made from collagen using animal bones.

  • Kev said “Cow or Pig Gelatine”. 1 point.
  • Smidge said “Bone Marrow”. 0 points.
  • Ian said “Gelatin”. 1 point.

Q2. Babies are born without which bones?

Kneecaps. Babies are born with cartiledge where their kneecaps will eventually form.

  • Kev said “Kneecaps!”. 1 point, plus a bonus for exuberance.
  • Smidge said “Horns”. 0 points.
  • Ian said “The ass”. This is not a bone recognised by medical science. 0 points.

Q3. In a classic red-yellow-green multicoloured jelly scenario, what flavour is the green one?

The UK jelly market has a standard colour scheme that applies to most brands. Green is either lime or lemon and lime. Either of those flavours will be accepted.

  • Kev said “Lime”. 1 point.
  • Smidge said “Go”. Go has no flavour. 0 points.
  • Ian said “Some kind of zesty juu?”. Like all humans, Jews taste like chicken. 0 points.

Q4. To the nearest 400, how many babies were born in the UK in 2023?

The Office for National Statistics recorded 591,072 births in England and Wales for 2023; the Scottish Government recorded 45,935; the Northern Ireland Registrar General recorded 19,962. This makes a total of 656,969. I don’t know what “to the nearest 400” even means so I will rank answers by how close they are to the right number.

  • Kev said “598,400”, which is short by 58,569, or almost the population of Scarborough.
  • Smidge said “598,401”, which is short by 58,568, or slightly more than the population of Gravesend.
  • Ian said “Let’s see, one born every minute, erm 525,600”, which is impressively close given the wayward methodology, but still short by 131,369, or approximately one Watford.

Smidge was the closest and scores 3 points. Kev was second closest and scores 2. Ian was furthest away and scores 1.

Q5. Which is the correct part of a jelly baby to eat first?

I eat the head first, so the jelly baby won’t suffer during the rest of the eating process. However, I will accept any reasonable answer. Reasonableness is at the quizmaster’s discretion.

  • Kev said “Head”. This aligns with my own approach. I approve. 1 point.
  • Smidge said “The bit that isn’t between your fingers”. There is an irresistible logic to this that I find impossible to deny. 1 point.
  • Ian said “Trick question. You eat all of it at the same time”. This appears to introduce no additional suffering beyond my own “head” method and is undeniably efficient. I have also definitely done this myself sometimes. 1 point.

Scores

Having reached the end of the questions we can now look at the scoreboard.

  • Kev had a storming quiz and scores 7.
  • Smidge had a slow start but picked up big points on the birthrate question, and scores 4.
  • Ian’s performance was a mixed bag throughout, and scores 3.

So, well done to Kev, who has probably finished his jelly babies by now, and commiserations to Ian, who appears to have somehow lost out to the eternally confused Smidge Manly. Better luck next time.