Another year is over, Christmas has ended, and all that remains is to sweep up a large quantity of pine needles from the carpet, move an item of furniture over the conspicuous mulled wine stain in the middle of the living room, and plant a boot firmly in the arse of 2020 to make sure it departs on time and never returns.
What’s left, now the stocking has been emptied, the wrapping paper is off and the dust has settled? Let’s have a look.
House fixables
- Large Stanley sorting box with starter collection of screws, bolts, dry wall fixings and other DIY essentials
- Bird table camera for capturing visiting wildlife in HD video without having to leave my iPhone on a windowsill and then spend 20 minutes looking for it even though it was me that put it there
- Bee hotel
Tasty eatables
- Chocolates intriguingly shaped like walnuts and acorns
- Odd coffee bags that make very fancy coffee by pouring hot water into a paper bag, somehow
- Large bars of marzipan. I fucking love marzipan
Thrilling enjoyables
- Husky ride where I get to drive the huskies (not sure how you drive a dog but since I basically like having a go at driving anything I’m allowed to climb into I am well up for this)
- Segway safari
Well done everyone. Now let’s buckle up for 2021. It can only be better than 2020.
12 comments on “Christmas wrap-up 2020”
Bee hotel? Are you setting up a business as soon as you move into your new gaff?
Yes. The bee holiday market is booming. You should get on board before you get left behind, grandad.
(that made me laugh lots when I read it)
I haven’t been on the fashions lately. I’m slipping behind, falling like an apple from the cart of life.
Teach me about the bee holiday market.
You are. The apple (you) is no longer on (on) the cart (fashions). Let’s get you back on board.
1. Bee holidays are worth an estimated £45bn to the UK economy every year, an increase of 35% since 2017.
2. Bees like to go on holiday either to warm countries, or to warm rooms in this country, as long as they believe they’ve travelled a long way. They’re not very bright so they don’t notice if the aeroplane just circles around for a bit before landing at the same airport.
3. The most popular bee accommodation is a bee hotel, but the market for bee glamping is starting to take off, especially in Kent.
So… so what you’re saying is that you’re going to put some tiny masks over the bees’ eyes and make them believe they’ve gone somewhere nice when really they’ll be slumming it in your back garden?
All of that is true except the bit about slumming it. Nobody is slumming anything in our back garden, and you’d know that if you had any manners at all.
I haven’t seen your garden yet (waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!) so it might not be as swift as you’re painting it out to be. You’re no Bob Ross, mate.
I wish I was Bob Ross. If I was Bob Ross I’d have a pet squirrel.
You’d have peapod, the pocket squirrel. He would sit in your pocket whilst you ran around rounding up drinks cabinets on a horse or whatever you do for fun where you are.
Yeah, that. We do that. And laughing at the poor.
You laugh at the poor so much that caviar comes out of your nostrils at least thrice a day (?)