User avatarCrab out of control

If you’re like me, and you sometimes remember things, and you find that remembering things is fun, then you might remember that about five years ago I took a crab mug in to work and announced this tremendous news with the blog post crab in control, which to this day is often quoted by students of the language as one of the greatest works of literature composed so far this century.

Last month I brought the crab home for a deep clean, because the kitchen at work is minging. Its annual overhaul revealed the crab mug to be in a dreadful state. Its current situation is illustrated in these three damning pictures.

  1. Around the brim, repeated cleaning with a scouring pad has worn away the glaze, leaving the top half of the mug, both outside and inside, duller and with a matte texture.
  2. A severe chip to the base or “arse” of the mug.
  3. Further scouring of the inside, particularly around the circular corner that surrounds the base and connects it to the mug wall, where the rougher surface has indelibly absorbed brownness from tea and coffee.

Given this irreversible damage, the crab has now regrettably been retired from active service and is now at the back of the mug cupboard here in Royksopp.

In its place, I have procured four new yellow mugs that I can use interchangeably and bring home more often to clean, on the basis that this is more hygienic, scouring pads will be unnecessary and I like yellow things.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank the crab for five years of diligent and faithful service, and wish it well in its retirement, by which I mean an extended period in the cupboard where it doesnt get used much because it’s gone all brown inside. Thank you.

13 comments to Crab out of control

  • If you throw that yellow one away, and go out and buy an orange one, you can draw your own crab on it.

  • Kev

    Can’t he draw a crab on the yellow one? It’s not like the original crab mug was orange either.

  • Ian

    The crab was though, it was orange as morange. With bells on.

  • I agree with Kev. There’s nothing about the current mug that means a crab could not be drawn on it, and more importantly than that, no reason whatsoever why it should be thrown away.

  • Ian

    If you can pop up with pictorial evidence that yellow crabs exist in the world then I will get off my smug chair and change my mind.

  • Here’s a yellow crab, and what’s even better than that is that its name is the Golden Ghost Crab.

  • Ian

    Hang on a sec

    *gets up from the smug chair and takes a step down, throws the chair somewhere*

    There we go. That is magnificent. What a bitchin’ crab.

  • Not enough crabs are described as bitchin’. In fact not enough things in general.

    My yellow mugs are bitchin’, fo sho.

  • Ian

    What I like about you is that you never fail to prove me wrong.

    What I like about yellow crabs is everything. Your yellow mug also gets a metaphysical high five from me.

    There is so much love in this room right now.

  • If you’re OK to keep being wrong, I’m alright to keep correcting you.

  • Ian

    I will never stop being wrong. That surely is the given-est given I can give you. I expect it would be fair to say that I have made a “career” out of being wrong.

  • You have indeed, and it’s a “career” in which you’ve had a great deal of “success”.

  • Ian

    Thank you for your “praise” regarding my “successful career” involving being wrong. I hope to carry on being wrong “forever” because it’s my “niche”.

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