I don’t want anyone to be alarmed by what is about to happen.
Several terrible things have happened lately, you see. One is that I haven’t been able to review the album Funky Dory by Rachel Stevens because the only CD player in the house is a portable drive that connects to my laptop by USB, and my laptop is from the future so its USB ports are all the wrong shape, and I have somehow managed to lose all the adapters I ever owned. Some new adapters arrived yesterday.
Another terrible thing was waking up this morning, looking at the calendar, and realising that February only has 28 days. I thought it was probably around the 22nd anyway, which it isn’t, but the shortness of the month leaves me with only today to make another three posts if I’m going to maintain my years-long streak of full bean counts.
Anyway, this post is here to give you fair warning that it’s going to be a bumpy ride today, with new posts landing on a very tight schedule as I try to hit the full four posts for this month. (This post is also here to count as one of the four.) Good luck everybody.
9 comments on “Emergency bean grab warning”
Update: I made two more posts after this and got my bean. And we all lived happily ever after.
This is the worst fairy tail I have ever read. There’s not even any medieval Europe savagery or misogynistic male prince character. You need to go back to the drawing board and splice some of that shizz in.
OK. *clears throat*
Update: I, a male prince character, made two more posts in medieval Europe after this and got my bean. The method with which I got my bean was both savage and misogynistic. And we all lived happily ever after.
Much better. Throw in a couple of reaction shots of me and shove it on the air.
You could add a few more things. A plucky young sidekick (named Ian), a friendly animal helper, some sort of woman. Oh, and bad weather.
Right. This is the one.
Update: I, a male prince character, made two more posts in medieval Europe after this with the help of my plucky young sidekick Ian (*reaction shot of Ian, who looks brave*) and got my bean. The method with which I got my bean was savage and involved Hoppy, my cute purple rabbit helper, who held an umbrella to keep me dry through the terrible weather. During the process I was deeply misogynistic towards some sort of woman (*reaction shot of Ian, who winks*). And we all lived happily ever after.
Much better. 9 out of 10. If you have time you should do a couple of drawings and then we can send it off to Penguin or somewhere to get it published.
Got it. Christmas bestseller material. The public won’t be able to resist. I’ll get sketching.
And I’ll keep my name clear away from it to avoid anyone setting the book on fire.
That’s both very wise and very environmentally friendly.