User avatarLemon’s Day Out

What makes a great day out? Smashing weather? A choice picnic? Celebrity endorsements? Whatever you think is right is probably wrong. The thing that makes a great day out is lemons.

There is nothing more satisfying than chucking a lemon up into the air and catching it. There is nothing better than taking a photo of a lemon doing something a lemon should not be doing (waaaaaaaaaaaaay!). Wherever you look there are millions of people out enjoying their summer holidays yet they’re doing it without the benefit of lemons. Our scientists predict that holiday satisfaction levels would increase sevenfold should people choose to include a lemon, or multiple lemons, in their activities.

As a test run I recently took a lemon into town when my sister came to visit. My lemon joy levels peaked higher than previous lemon levels have ever reached. It was quite a day. Given how cost-effective lemons are, I am hoping to start a kickstarter campaign to supply lemons to the poorer regions of the UK IN THE HOPE OF… sorry, in the hope of upping the ante in the lemon department, which sounds like it should be rude but it’s not.

When is the last time you took a lemon out? Respond below and share the joy of the citrus fruit that is… Lemons!*

*has clearly said the word far too much and thus attempts to remove it from his vocabulary

17 comments to Lemon’s Day Out

  • This is officially the most joyful and worthwhile post to the Beans in a long time. My lemon levels have been gloriously replenished just by reading it. Thank you. And thank lemons.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Thank lemons indeed. Why, only today a fellow work colleague asked if I would be purchasing more lemons and I said, “Nay, for there be plenty o’ joy left at me flat due to a flourish o’ lemons!”

  • I have, as a result of this post, made a significant investment in lemons.

    What I mean is that I’ve spent all my savings and now two tipper trucks of lemons are arriving tomorrow afternoon.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Royskopp City Council aren’t gonna be happy when they find out Mattress Shop Lane, or wherever it is you live, is blocked because of lemon trucks.

  • Maybe not, but they’ll soon change their mind when I invite them to dive in and share in the wonderful gift of lemons.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Can you dive into a tipper truck of lemons?

  • You can if you’ve got one.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    And you’ve got two. Johnny Two Trucks.

    You are Chris “Johnny Two Lemon Trucks” Marshall

  • Kevil

    Are you going to keep them all on the outside balcony like a glass walled, outdoor, lemony ball pool to make all the other above mattress dwellers jealous?

  • Yes. That’s the plan. But two trucksworth is more than the balcony will hold, so the rest are just going to fill up the rest of the flat in the same way.

  • Kevil

    ‘Trucksworth’ sounds like the sort of butler you might get in a council estate if someone won the Euromillions and wanted someone to pass them their ciggies and turn over wife swap for them.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    “Trucksworth! Hand me my golden vape. I wish to blow lemon meringue flavoured fumes over the poor people!”

  • “Very good, sir. I took the liberty of opening a third can of Skol in case sir was still thirsty.”

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    “Thank you Trucksworth. Perhaps later on today we can pop along to the discounted aisle in Tesco and pick up a couple of cheap yoghurts. I do so much love the taste of almost-expired vanilla-based dairy products.”

  • “Indeed, sir. Shall I telephone sir’s order through to Mr. Hassan’s Kebab Emporium now, or would sir prefer to dine a little later today?”

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    “I’m gonna sink a few jars down at The Swan’s Minge and then I’ll be back around 10pm. Have the order in for then.”

  • “Very good, sir. I shall appraise Mr. Hassan of the situation and have Match Of The Day Two on the television for sir’s return.”

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