Many, many years ago I wrote a post here on the Beans about my porridge loyalty card. I seem to remember it was not deemed as impressive as I had hoped and nobody else really seemed very invested in the level of loyalty I was showing to a simple breakfast food.
Anyway, a lot of time has passed since then, so I thought it would be a good time to look through my wallet and take stock of all the loyalty cards I now possess. By doing so we will learn something about where my allegiences lie in 2024.
I found seven loyalty cards. Here they all are.
I think everyone probably has a Nando’s Card at this stage. I used my red reward last time I went so I currently only have one chilli on mine. These days I express all my peri-peri chicken loyalty through the app, even though it logs me out all the time, so the card doesn’t see much use, but it still serves as a physical reminder of my loyalty to Nando’s.
I have eight stamps on my Waterstones card, but they are all virtual stamps that you can only see on the website. Looking at my account history I have been managing all my book loyalty online for quite some time, and the last outing for this card was in December 2018 in Watford. Seems my loyalty is to Waterstones and not to their cards.
Of course I am loyal to Lego. Of course I am. You knew that. And in recognition of my life-long dedication to plastic toy building bricks, I have been given the status of Lego Very Important Person.
Seemingly the only physical loyalty card that gets any use – because there is no online equivalent – is this one demonstrating my passion for fish and chips from Fryday’s on the High Street. As you can see, I am due a free portion of battered halloumi on my next visit, because this is the south of England and chip shops serve that kind of thing.
I remain loyal to Benito’s Hat, a small chain of terrific Mexican takeaways, which provided one of the very best places to have lunch near work or to get drunken burritos on the way home from post-work drinks. I don’t think it exists any more – in fact I think it shut down several years ago – and I never managed to get their weird contactless card to work anyway. But I still have it.
I do have a certain degree of loyalty to Sixt, since I don’t recall ever hiring a car from any other hire company in the UK, though I’ve definitely got vans from other people, and I have also got cars from other companies when abroad. My Sixt Express Card expired in January 2014, so I can probably safely bin it now. The last time I used it was when I got the keys to the Van of Anger when moving in to Crystal Palace in 2011.
In 2017 I moved to the London Borough of Hillingdon and became eligible for the Hillingdon First card, a sort of local-services-for-local-people thing that worked as a library card but also got you cheap or free parking on various high streets and allegedly would get you discounts at certain independent shops. Given that I moved away three years ago, I expect this no longer works, but I might hold on to it anyway to see if Hillingdon’s loyalty to me extends to letting me use it to park for free next time I visit.
Since I have no documentary proof of any other loyalties or affiliations, I will leave all my other preferences to your imagination.
8 comments on “Loyalty update”
You are loyal to a lot of different companies. These make much more sense than porridge, which is an absurd thing to be loyal to.
I’m still not happy about the very dismissive attitude towards porridge that prevails on this website.
Porridge belongs in a bowl or in my mouth. That’s about as far as I go. If you take it too seriously you’ll end up naked on a bridge with a huge sign strapped to your arms about porridge equality with a bunch of similar weirdos.
Sounds like you’re so loyal to porridge that it pains you to think of anyone else having it. Maybe you need a porridge loyalty card.
Here’s an idea; you can be loyal to me. Pay me £20 each month and in return you don’t have to eat porridge and i’ll send you a signed photo in the post. How does that sound?
Actually make it £30.
I see what you’re saying, but I can already not eat porridge for free. What’s the advantage of your scheme?
If there was a nicely designed loyalty card I could put in my wallet and never use for a decade or so, I’d be more inclined to sign up.
That sounds like a challenge. I’ll need some time but I’ll get right on it (yeah).
Also, give me money.