Avatar Newsboost – no end in sight

Devastating news for Chris Crimz aka Chris Marshall solo fans as artist claims he is still no closer to finishing his epic trilogy of songs.

Crimz rose to fame with the now stone cold classic ‘Wasting your life!” which was written prior to but only saw a formal release through the Papples debut album of the same name. He then cemented the popular but not quite as good, ‘That’s your life!’ which despite constant demands from the fans is still waiting for a formal release. Tapes of the demo have been trading hands for astronomical amounts of money on Ebay, sometimes reaching up to ten whole English pounds. There was a recent bidding war between two diehard fans, Polin Clodbrook and Rolio Chaffinch, for a very rare tape which, if the rumours are to be true, claimed to be a duet between Crimz and Kelly Clarkson during their short-lived romance at the tail end of 2009.

Newsboost reached out to Mr Marshall for an exclusive interview and eventually, once he stopped repeatedly slamming the door into my foot, we were granted one.

“I don’t see what all the fuss is about,” said Crimz, partially through a crack in the door between his dining room and kitchen, “I seem to remember I once attempted a third part but it wasn’t very successful. The lesson is that you can’t rush genius.”

When asked what the composition was like and what kind of arrangement it was (joyous possibly or further leaning into the sad melody of the second part), Mr. Marshall changed the subject to a future release in 2024. “I’ll be putting out another greatest hits album shortly. I want the fans to know that I am listening and that I do care. It’ll be jam-packed with exclusive b-sides, live tracks and the odd Pet Shop Boys remix. Guaranteed to put a smile on their faces. The CD edition will come in a gold coloured cardboard sleeve with a commemorative booklet. A premium product.”

That sounds like something we can all enjoy. At least if the epic closer of his musical journey isn’t coming any time soon then we’ll all have a piece of the pie to chew on. You really can’t rush genius.

7 comments on “Newsboost – no end in sight

  • I believe what I actually said was that “the CD will come in a gold coloured cardboard sleeve and there’ll be a commemorative booklet. The fans will lap it up. Suckers”. I am unhappy that my total disrespect for my fans has not been represented fully in this report.

  • Oh that’s charming. After everything I’ve done for you over the years. Who made the sink and Christina Aguilera incident go away? Who paid off Su Pollard when you got drunk and left a “present” in her handbag?

  • This is exactly what I’m talking about. You made those things go away. What I’m saying is I want them splashed all over the papers. I’m getting tired of thinking up new ways to disgrace myself and be thoroughly reviled by the nation, only for you to make sure nobody ever hears about the bloody things.

  • You’re behaving a lot like me here. You’re doing the opposite of what a normal person would usually do. You’re two steps away from a, “leave this to me” comment and some silly remark about some lemurs or something.

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