User avatarPatch Stars

In response to a recent confusion as to who was the female singer with the eye-patch, I decided to see how other pop stars would look like with an eye-patch.

This week we take a look at Lisa Stansfield:

You can tell it’s Lisa Stansfield because of the beauty spot and the obligatory curls in the hair. The front cover of the album ‘Affliction’ was already in black and white, and with the additional hat and ringlets it does make her look more like a pirate. Significantly more than Gabrielle ever did.

I didn’t colour her shirt in because that would have been too much dark and shade. She does look a bit like a ghost.

If you’ve ever wanted to know what Mancunian music pixie Lisa Stansfield would look like with only one eye then wonder no more.

I did try to upload this as a .pdf document but I was denied, DENIED, as though I was common riff raff trying to find enough change for a loaf of bread.

12 comments to Patch Stars

  • This is a joy. I like the contrast between her very dark hat and her enormous white clothing, which doesn’t need to be in the picture at all, but for some reason still is.

  • She’s all in black on the cover of the album. I was tempted to shade that sucker in and then changed my mind. It would look too garish with all shading done.

  • I also didn’t want her to be a floating head which is why I added, and kept, the white clothing.

  • I’d argue that she’s still a floating head, it’s just that now she’s floating on a huge billowy ghost-like expanse of white. Maybe she’s actually a ghost. Is she dead?

  • Ian

    She’s not dead, that’s a triple nen squared that is. I’m still hoping that the Papples can one day record a duet with her.

    She does look very ethereal doesn’t she? If I shade her shroud in now though it’ll be super dark and she’ll still look like a goth.

  • You’re talking like the only options are black and white. You should be more creative. Give her polka dots or some jaunty stripes.

  • Ian

    You reckon Stansfield in Stripes would work? That could be an art exhibition, ‘Stansfield in Stripes’. I can take famous (?) pictures of LS, copy them and then throw a bum load of colours all over them.

  • Absolutely. Or what about tartan? She’d look an absolute bobby dazzler in tartan.

  • Ian

    She’d be up in the big leagues with a layer of tartan.

    I expect I’ll have the picture knocking around. Let me tart it up and get back to you.

    Also, why won’t it let me upload a .pdf to the website?

  • Why do you want to upload a PDF to the website?

  • Ian

    I did a scan rather than a photo. I wanted it to look better and this scanner scans as .pdf documents.

  • Ah. I don’t know why scanners do that. A PDF isn’t an image file, it’s a picture file inside another more stupid file. It would be like uploading a Word document.

    One thing you could try is going back to the scanner and calling it an absolute bellend.

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