Do you have a problem that needs fixing? Are you too silly to get it sorted yourself? Do you have a credit card and a strong desire to get the job done? Then what you need is Serious Ian.
Serious Ian can take all those chores that you can’t be bothered doing and he will get them done in the most serious fashion you’ve ever seen. His seriousness cannot be measured on a regular spectrum and scientists had to invent a new spectrum just to keep up. The only thing that came close to the same level of seriousness was BBC newsreader Huw Edwards or possibly Jeremy Paxman either duffing up politicians on ‘Newsnight’ (before he left) or duffing up students on ‘University Challenge’.
Here’s but a small muster of items that Serious Ian could help you (yes, YOU!) with:
- Telling your dog or cat that you’re going on holiday and they have to stay with your smelly friend, Derek.
- Pumping the waste out of your septic tank after years of neglect.
- Doing the washing up after Sandra tells you she’s taking the job and there’s nothing you can do about it.
- Ironing those shirts that need to look their best for Monday.
- Driving slowly past your nemesis, with a pair of sunglasses on the tip of his nose, nodding his head sternly before driving off.
- Informing the man in front of you in the queue that he has eleven items and needs to go to the regular checkout or till.
- Taking little Billy for his first experience of death (possibly roadkill).
- Asking Kev why he hides blankets inside pillows and querying when did he become such a sexual deviant.
- And many more!
It may be a premium rate number but you’ve got to pay the best to get the best.
Serious Ian is also available in a multitude of colours to fit your mood and your situation. When times are hard choose that delicious charcoal Serious Ian to really hammer home the message. If you want something a bit lighter, yet just as serious, perhaps the clementine Serious Ian will be your catch of the day.
Whatever the job, task, role or message, you can guarantee nobody will take it more serious than Serious Ian.
6 comments on “Serious Ian”
This is the most serious Ian I’ve ever encountered, and I spent a good twenty seconds staring at the photo to work out if it really is the Ian I already know, or if it’s a picture of someone who looks like Ian but is a whole lot more serious. I came to the conclusion that it didn’t matter much and that I’m not very good with people’s faces.
My face is full of gradunza. That’s not the right word, I know that, so I’m going to leave it here in the hope that someone can generate the right one.
Is it pub lunch burgers? Your face is often full of pub lunch burgers.
That would explain the colour and playful exuberance. It must be the only sensible answer.
I’ve looked again at the picture of Serious Ian and I’ve decided that he has a mouthful of pub burger in there, but that he’s carefully pretending not to, just while he has his picture taken.
Silly Ian would have covered one eye up (seriously, what?) and waved the pub burger around with his other hand.
There’s a slight shift in the mouthal region which would agree with your deductions.
I heard a rumour that if Silly Ian and Serious Ian are ever in the same room together the world will collapse like a bucket made of meringue.