Avatar The most infuriating fruit

The survey results are in. The winner’s name is being carved onto the award. Pomegranate is the most infuriating fruit. It’s a fact. You know it’s true.

  1. Its name is clearly pronounced “pom-e-gran-it” but for some reason it’s spelled with the letters “ate” at the end. Ridiculous.
  2. The outer skin is designed to only come off in a thousand leathery flakes.
  3. The edible bits are approximately one million tiny bloblets of fruit. Before you can eat them you have to excavate them all in a sort of miniature mining project. This takes absolutely forever.
  4. When you eat the edible bits you find that the nice juicy tasty bit takes up only about half of it and the rest is a woody seed that gets stuck in your teeth.
  5. The edible bits are actually called “arils” which is just pretentious. Gaaaaah. I hate it.

On the other hand they do taste nice.

15 comments on “The most infuriating fruit

  • What’s a pomegranate? Is that some sort of banana?

  • I’m pretty sure it’s in the banana family, yes. It’s a sort of circular red banana that shares none of the key characteristics of a banana, but you can easily identify it as one because it’s in roughly the same bit of the supermarket as bananas.

  • You mean the sweet aisle? Where I buy my penny chews?

  • I just mean the bit shoppers are allowed in. Neither bananas or pomegranates are in the manager’s office or the staff room or the bins out the back.

    Come to think of it, by that reasoning, Jaffa Cakes and Persil bio capsules may also be types of banana.

  • In that case, I’ve washed my clothes in and eaten many bananas. In that order. Jaffa cakes bring out the brightness in my jeans.

  • I’ve always admired your banana-caked clothing. The way the chunks occasionally drop off as you walk, giving you a trail you can follow to retrace your steps, has always seemed enviably practical.

  • Yeah man. I am the pinnacle of banana-based, banana-caked, banana-poised clothing. In fact, in my capacity as a fashion guru, it’s part of my 2018 range.

  • I’ve got my paws well and truly beating down on the banana fashions.


  • Yeah. YEAH. You show those banana fashions who’s boss. Violence is the only way to earn respect in the fruit/fashion crossover world.

  • Y-yeah. Y-yeah! Y-yeah?

    But I don’t wanna hurt the bananas.

  • Maybe you could start Banana Fashion week, it would essentially be exactly the same as London Fashion Week, but probably held in a pub in Newcastle and the models would all be drunk.

  • I’d go to that. Ever since they banned me from London Fashion Week I’ve been looking for a new event that I can turn up to and force my phone number on large numbers of disinterested models.

  • Banana Fashion Week sounds right up your alley. You’d be bang on the fashions down The Winston.

  • The Winston would love that. I am on the banana phone right now lagging that shit up.

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