Here’s a little something to wet your appetite for more of the same. Look at this:
Frightening, isn’t it? Most people would agree that this particular image of Kevin is both striking and unappealing. It would be fair to say that using such a picture constitutes a mean act. I would therefore like to counter that comment with my own tribute to the man.
I have known Mr Chang, as he is known to some people, since I was about 12 years old so I believe that I know him well enough to talk down to him. Some people call it “trash talk”, when you belittle or ridicule another person to embarrass or humiliate them. Kevin is a ruthless thug who has wrapped me up in a carpet on no less than a dozen occasions and then thrown, or had his goons throw, me off a bridge. He once smashed my door in when I was at work, used all the mayonnaise and then didn’t recycle the glass jar. Kevin has been known to fart in padded envelopes and then send it to people we know with my return address on it. His despicable behaviour knows no bounds.
I would be lying through my elbows if I said that he has driven many miles to come and save my sorry ass before. I would be fibbing between the gaps in my teeth if I dared to mention that he has probably tolerated more nonsense coming out of my mouth, and been witness to unspeakable acts of insanity, than anyone within my close circle of friends, and yet still wants to stay in touch. I would be “kissing the kitten of fabrication” if I tried to compliment him on being the all round good egg that everyone knows he is. And don’t even get me fucking started on his lovely wife and adorable child.