Here at The Beans, the happiness of our readers and contributors is paramount to us. In fact, if you came to our prestigious penthouse offices, you’d see that we have a chart on our wall of all the things that are important to us. “The Happiness Of Our Readers And Contributors” is in big letters at the top, number one. (“Kev” is at number 16, just below “coordinating our socks with our underpants”.)
To help make sure we’re doing all we can, please complete this short survey about your experience here at The Beans.
1. How happy does Pouring Beans make you during waking hours?
__ Not at all happy
__ Not very happy
__ Neither happy nor unhappy
__ Slightly happy
2. To the extent that Pouring Beans intrudes upon your dreams and infiltrates your subconscious, do you feel that this happens:
__ Not nearly enough
__ Not really enough
__ Neither not enough nor not unenough
__ Almost enough
__ Way too much
3. Bearing in mind that there are allegedly three people running this website, to what extent do you feel that Kev’s continual absence detracts from your enjoyment of Pouring Beans?
__ It detracts very heavily/I can’t read this properly because I am in tears
__ It detracts somewhat
__ It neither detracts nor whatever the opposite of detracts is
__ It does not detract from my enjoyment at all
__ I come here to get away from him
4. Considering the range and variety of topics covered by articles on Pouring Beans, the range of hairstyles offered by the authors of those articles, and the back-catalogue of characters and in-jokes employed in their writing, do you feel suitably bewildered and unable to keep up with it all?
__ Totally unable to keep up with any of it
__ Unable to keep up with some of it, but just about keeping my head above water
__ Flustered and confused into a position of having no opinion and hoping it will all go away
__ Doing OK, though possibly only thanks to being in denial about it all
__ Completely able to keep up with it, but I may be lying
5. Do you have any other comments that you wish to make?
Thank you for participating in this year’s Customer Satisfaction Survey. The results will be collated and turned into a range of colourful graphs and charts.
12 comments on “Beans 2015 Customer Satisfaction Survey”
Am I allowed to complete this, given my obvious bias?
Yes. You can and must complete this.
Can I just call you to give you the answers or does it have to be on paper?
You can complete the survey electronically by typing in the box at the end of this page, or you can complete a paper version of the form which can be collected from any branch of Greggs.
I’m surprised what’s his face, Karen or something, hasn’t been on blasting about the fact that his house is shinier than ours. You might need to draft up another ‘Missing’ poster. What’s his name…
As the only unbiased one here, and the one with the most need to procrastinate from doing any work whatsoever, I will complete your survey.
1. __ Neither happy nor unhappy
2. __ Way too much
3. __ It detracts very heavily/I can’t read this properly because I am in tears
4. __ Doing OK, though possibly only thanks to being in denial about it all (Denial is not just a river in Egypt).
5. *blinks* Looks at screen. *blinks*. Anyone for a cuppa?
Sorry I couldn’t get to Greggs.
Karen? Is that his name? I thought it was Karl or something? Anyway, I don’t think we should expect him to show up any time soon.
Elena, thank you for completing the survey. I’m delighted to say that now, with your responses gathered and counted up, we have a grand total of one response.
You see, that Keith fellow has made your girlfriend cry just by not being here. What a blummin’ cheek. His ‘chude needs a serious overhaul.
He needs to have a good long look at himself, presumably in a mirror that he’s personally installed on his own hand-plastered walls.
I think he could make his own mirror, and if not he can look poignantly at his reflection in one of fully fitted FENSA registered windows.
2. Almost enough
3. I come here to get away from him
4. Completely able to keep up with it, but I may be lying
5. Yes, though I don’t think this is the time or place.
Jubilant is just not jubilant enough for my liking.