Avatar Box lid

Recently I was shuffling some nonsense around and stuffing more boxes into the solitary cupboard at my flat in the hope of creating a little more space.

As I was tearing up some old cardboard I found that a young Reuben had doodled on the inside of one of the smaller boxes.

For those whose eyesight is not as good as it used to be, the top has ‘secret files’ and several incriminating piece of information about walruses. Roy Orbortron (the robotic version of Roy Orbison who was created to carry on his musical legacy) is a walrus for some reason and he has changed the words of the classic song ‘Pretty Woman’ to ‘Pretty Walrus’. This may have been done in the hopes of attracting a mate although nobody can doubt the controversial nature of this switch.

But wait! There’s more!

Roy Orbotron (different spelling) also orbits the planet Venus as a disgusting Transformers-esque robot walrus meaning that he must split his time equally between serenading female walruses with his back catalogue and flying around the second nearest planet to the sun. Thankfully he didn’t choose a planet that was further away otherwise he’d never have enough time between the two feats to organise, I don’t know, a summer holiday. Quite why he is orbiting Venus is not explained in the document.

If you have any clearer answers then do let us know. For now, watch out for any suspicious walruses or walrus-based robots who may or may not be flying through the sky and/or playing the guitar (boy this post is exhausting to write).

11 comments on “Box lid

  • I’m very much enjoying these highly secretive secrets, which are revealing things I never knew about everyone’s favourite crooner. I think my favourite thing is the diagram of Venus which is accompanied by a big question mark.

    I’m not sure the Transformar is walrus-based though. I think this secret file is revealing that the whole Walrus thing was a red herring.

  • I keep thinking if it would make more or less sense without the diagrams and then I get a huge headache and have to lie down in a darkened room.

    The bottom line is that if this is a conspiracy, we’re day one, mate.

  • I think the words are telling one story and the diagrams give a different version of events. What I’m struggling with is the possibility that, when read together and interpreted correctly, like a set of ancient runes in a forgotten language, they might reveal a third message of even greater wisdom.

  • I think that’s a good idea. We might be able to access some sort of extremely lucrative research grant from a major university if we pitch it correctly. I’m just trying to work out whether this is classified as anthropology or genetics.

  • TENURE. That’s the word everyone is always desperate for, tenure. Let’s get a smidgen of tenure and see what we can come up with.

    It’s a combination of the two: anthropogetics

  • You’re so right. Let’s get ourselves a big slice of delicious tenure. To get us started I’ve had a word with an organisation called the Burundi Distance Learning Online University of Educational Studies, who have kindly made us both professors for a fiver each.

  • The certificate looks like a very basic Word document, which they’ve emailed me, and you’ll need to edit it to correct the mistakes in your name anyway. Go for it is what I say.

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