User avatarLemon Doberman

Do you want a dog?

Really? Do you really, really want a dog? Of course you do you’re a human being, and a human being can’t be a being without a doing. As in you cannot spell the word ‘doing’ without the word ‘dog’.

Hi, I’m Blemish Tuneraft and I’m owner and founder of Lemon Doberman. Lemon Doberman is exactly what you think it is. And it does. We breed and produce dobermans that smell of lemons in a pure and natural way. You may think that science has stuck its big, ugly, man-shaped oars into our processes however it just isn’t true. Everything about our lemony dobermans is legitimate. We have a proven track record.

It isn’t as if we found that the smell of dogs was unpleasant. Not in the slightest. In fact, we are attempting to rustle up some dog-scented aftershave for the first quarter of 2017. No, what we set out to do at Lemon Doberman was to improve on an already well-established and much-loved sanctuary.

Everyone loves a doberman.
Everyone loves the smell of lemons.
Why not combine the two?

The feedback we’ve received has been phenomenal so far. We are looking to send our sweet-smelling doggies into the furthest reaches of the UK and possibly even abroad. If all goes well then who knows? We are hoping that if our rate of success continues to increase at an exponential rate then it will only be a matter of time before Belgian Chocolate Mastiffs and Lavender German Shepherds are available to the general public.

If you’ve got a big heart, a large house and a desire for citrus fruits then you know what you need is a Lemon Doberman.

14 comments to Lemon Doberman

  • Until you’re selling lemon kitties, I’m out.

    Dogs are rubbish.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Perhaps you might be interested in something from our ‘Pungent Paws’ section?

  • Are they cat paws?

  • Will the dog’s droppings also have a refreshing citrus aroma? I’m pretty keen here but details like this are important.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    They’re the paws of the animal you want them to be.

    There’ll be so much lemon scent in the poo you can make your own pootpourri.

  • Now I’m worried the dog tods will be a bit too aromatic.

    Could I have fins or flippers instead of paws?

  • It’s too late. A lifetime supply has already been charged to your personal bank account and will be shipped to your work address in the next five to seven working days.

    Also, you’re welcome.

  • You see that? I don’t want that. Stop that.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Too late. In the next four to six working days you’ll have that. Have that.

  • I still don’t want that. I’m going to put that in the bin when that arrives.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Look at Big Man with his Big Pounds willing to throw away perfectly good fragrant faeces.

    You disgust me.

  • Big Man has no time for your pungent poo. Big Man is going to hire someone to deal with it while he sails his yacht around for a bit or something.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    If you’re not quaffing girly alcoholic beverages like they’re going out of fashion you’re usually on some kind of boat. I would have guessed a schooner.

  • I don’t know about all the boat terminology. All I know is that it’s got a revolving dancefloor.

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