Month: June 2026

Avatar How do I get my parcel?

We came home the other day to find a parcel had turned up. The driver had left it on the doorstep right in front of the front door.

Inside the door, we found a little card that the driver had pushed through the letterbox.

It said they had left the parcel in the safe location “front step”. Then, further down, it asked how do I get my parcel?

In answer, it said they would return to deliver it tomorrow. So we left it on the step until the next day. But the next day the driver didn’t come back and they didn’t deliver our parcel.

The next suggestion was that we go to www.yodel.co.uk to choose a new delivery date or arrange to collect it from a depot. When we visited the website it asked for the parcel number, but the parcel number was not on the card.

In desperation, we called the Yodel hotline and explained that the card didn’t tell us the parcel number. The operator asked for our postcode instead. We gave them our postcode. They said the parcel had been delivered. We explained what had been written on the card and that we were following their instructions to get it.

At this point the penny dropped. We didn’t need to arrange a delivery, said the operator. We just needed to collect it. So we went back out to the doorstep to collect our parcel, bringing the Yodel card, one item of photographic ID and a utility bill to prove our name and address. Now we have our parcel.

We opened it. Everything inside was wet from the rain overnight. We’re sending it back.

Avatar Phase phrase competition – June (best of the best)

Hello, I must be going.

Until that happens though, let’s have a sift through the wonders of this year. Let’s take a skiffle at the best of the best (so far) when it comes to the efforts of trying to come up with a brand new expression or phrase to add to the world.

What has happened so far? Where have you been? You’ve missed so much. Based on viewer feedback and extensive focus group research, these are the greatest of the gold:

  • Cough it up, wank bread
  • Out of the way, grandad, I’ve got bitches to feed
  • Control Alt Discreet!
  • May angels lead you in and devils drag you out again
  • Fox me up, fox me RIGHT up
  • Leave the beef on the bench

March was the most successful month coming up with a whopping three contenders.

There’s also the added bonus that Kev said THE THING and now it’s his thing because he says it all the time, and we wouldn’t want to upset the lad by telling him he has to give it back. No no, it’s much better to still leave it in the running with a bit of a caveat on the side.

With so much choice, we’re all eating good this season. Let me know if any others take your fancy and whether you’ve started crimsonly using them in polite conversation.

Onwards and upwards!