Shock news today as it was revealed that the two old people in the UK road sign are not actually two people, it is one person and her ventriloquist puppet.
The sign, which warns the general public of the impending danger of the elderly, has been in use for over 70 years and only now has it been revealed by the UK government that the second person is a puppet. At the time it was intended that two people be present in the picture only when it came to paint it one of them took a longer nap than intended and didn’t show up. Luckily the original model, Constance Felling, was an avid marionette aficionado and had her puppet, Swallow Thard, fill in the gap.
Constance has since passed on but we did manage to speak to a surviving relative, her daughter Rosemary. “David never arrived. They waited over an hour for him and he never emerged. His house phone rang and rang with no luck so the team divided into two; one set went to check that he hadn’t died and the other carried on with the sign. Mum was ever so resourceful and whipped out Swallow so the work could progress. They had to make the legs look less lifeless so they drew mum’s legs twice and put a set under Swallow. David was fine, a little drowsy from his sleep and nothing more. He was too late though as it was all finished by the time he arrived.”
She took a sip of her Special Brew and carried on, “That’s why it looks the way it does, as though the woman at the back is squeezing the bum of the guy in front. Everyone has been laughing at it for all these years and it’s nothing to do with sexual harassment; mum actually had her arm up his arse.”
The ‘Elderly People’ sign was voted the fifth most popular in England and Wales after a poll in 2011.
This follows on from February’s news when it was revealed that the person in the ‘Caution: Pedestrian Crossing’ the road sign wasn’t crossing at all, he was punching an Irishman in the stomach for sleeping with his wife.
11 comments on “Newsboost – Old Codger Couple Cooks up Controversy”
This is unbelievable. All these years I’ve been driving past a lie. Next you’ll be telling me the schoolchildren aren’t related and they’re actually sneaking off to touch each other up behind the sports hall.
If that’s the case then I would advise you to avoid all road sign news for the next six months. There are some SHOCKING revelations coming out that will make your nose hairs rescind into your pipes.
You leave my nose hairs alone. I’ll imbibe whatever types of news I like, and if any of them stun me into a coma, that will be my choice.
Okay but don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Also don’t say words I don’t know the meaning of. Imbibe? Is that some kind of aftershave or roll-on deodorant?
Don’t be ridiculous. Imbibe is a gentleman’s preparation, bringing increased performance and greater comfort where it matters most, all with a fresh pine scent.
That sounds marvellous. I’ll imbibe three please.
(Did I do that right?)
You did. Imbibing imbibe is the thing to do. Nice imbibulation, mate.
Nice Imbibulation, if it ever were to happen, would be an absolute bells name for the next Papples album.
Definitely. I think the Papples would promote it on the Gentleman’s Preparation World Tour.
I can see it now. 30ft banners with the two of us awkwardly stood in suits, sort of like that Pet Shop Boys album where one has a hat and the other is yawning. I could be that yawning chump.
And I would have the most incredible hat imaginable. Yes. I see it all now. Let’s do it. Book the stadiums.