User avatarTerrible advice

Here is a sign on the London Tubular Railway offering information to drivers.

Thankfully, when my train arrived, the driver disregarded this advice.

19 comments to Terrible advice

  • Due to the certificate shenanigans earlier on, I have not seen this until now. That said I am unsure as to how you can interpret it other than “do not move’.

    What happens when you move? Does the seventh portal to hell open up?

  • Is it possible that after “Do not move” is supposed to be a colon and a space to write in something that shouldn’t be moved eg: “Do not move: Sleeping Tramps”

  • When I move, everything is fine, but then I’m not a driver, at least not on the London Tubular Railway System.

    It is possible that there’s supposed to be something else written after “do not move”. If it’s aimed at people driving trains then I think the next word should probably be “sideways”.

  • Do not move… slowly?

    If they moved any slower, and Chris had to wait more than sixty seconds for his Tube, he’d explode. Which would be a bit of a shame; nobody wants Marshall Chunks.

    Although that could be an excellent pseudonym for you, Chris.

  • Marshall Chunks? Sounds like an obese sheriff in a wild west sitcom. “Now look here, Marshall Chunks. You may be quick on the draw but you’re even faster to finish a bowl of Ma Jessop’s five-alarm chilli. It’s time you went on a diet!” (Cut to montage of Marshall Chunks hilariously attempting various exercises while wearing a white sweatband.)

  • A Marshall Chunks Montage? That’s the secret sentence of the week! You win imaginary balloons and streamers, coming right at your face right about now! Right now. Can you feel it?

  • No I can’t, and I think that’s because I didn’t say that sentence. You did. I said “a montage of Marshall Chunks”, which is not the same sentence and is clearly not the secret sentence of the week. I’m pretty sure the imaginary balloons and streamers will actually be molesting your v/v very soon.

  • Oh. Well best cancel the whole thing then. My mistake.

    NO LADS… lads put the balloons and streamers back. He didn’t say it. No… no he didn’t say it. He… DIDN’T SAY IT, Tony!

  • But you DID say it! Come on Tony, stream him up! It’s balloon time!

  • I guess I did. Go me!

    Bring it all towards my viso/volto like an eagle mowing a lawn made of spanners.

  • I don’t know what that’s like. I’m instead going to direct it towards your v/v like a marmot moving stealthily with a hold-all full of stolen Benson and Hedges.

  • Does he/she have a shifty look on their own viso/volto or are they playing it cool, like Smokin’ Joe Cool?

  • Yes. But they’re carrying the holdall sensibly, not in the ridiculous back-breaking way that Smokin’ Joe Cool favours.

  • Are they throwing it in the same weird way some people throw a pint? All backwards wrists and swifty joints?

    Also, why’s it called a holdall?

  • The marmot isn’t throwing it at all. That would be irresponsible. But if they did it would be using the Reverse Overarm Pint Swing, yes.

  • It was invented and patented by Mrs. Henrietta Holdall of Oregon, USA in 1952. She chose the name “Holdall” because it stood for Henrietta’s Obviously Luxurious, Delightful And Lightweight Luggage.

  • That answers that question SO WELL that I have no follow-up questions.

  • In that case, let us consider the matter closed.

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