Yes, you read correctly. I cannot keep handing out these dainty morsels for free. I have enough material for severalz volumez and will be on some kind of world tour of books soon enough. I’ll call it ‘The Very Soon Tour of Books Around the World’ and everyone will buy a ticket.
Until then let’s return to the gentle, simple world of orbs. I expect by now your orb will be ruminating around solid food. What on earth should you start with though? There’s only so many times you can discharge an electrical current into a glass of water and throw it at your orb. Eating together should be just as much a bonding experience as reading a book, watching television or stretching some weasels. If you believe your orb is ready, why not try them on a couple of watch batteries? You should not, repeat, not go straight to the C2 or the D2s because both of you are not ready for that. Slide a couple of lithium 2032s their way, let them sniff them and see what their general impression is. If they’re still a little cautious mix a few in with some mashed up strawberries and bananas so they get a taste of the good stuff.
By now I expect you’re used to locking all Velux windows and doors to ensure that your orb does not float out of your house. Should they be wanting to have some space you may wish to move them out of your bedroom and into a room of their own. Even if it is only a storage box in the cupboard under the stairs, their independence is as important as maintaining closeness. Encourage them to decorate their room as they see fit. Help put up posters of their favourite scientists: Nikola Tesla, Thomas Edison, Isaac Newton and other such cool dudes. Perhaps a hammock would be more appealing then a bed? That way they can still hover and be in comfort at the same time.
Your little orb is growing up so fast. What started off as a minor observation whilst over at a friend’s house has been stretched into, at least, four posts on this loose sack of shambles we call a website. You have everything you need now; live your lives as best you can.
You’re totally orbular!
14 comments on “The Last of You and Your Orb”
The LAST “You and Yorb”? How will I cope in an orbular world?
My question is this: if the orb is floating, and Velux windows have to be closed to stop it floating away, how does it use a hammock?
That’s what they’ll call it, the kids will call it YORB because shortening titles is cool. “Did you catch YORB last night?”
“Yeah man, it was TCP to the max!”
The orb will be tired after a full day of orbing and will need to rest, hence the hammock.
The kids won’t call it YORB because you’re finishing it here and they will never know it. You’re taking it away before it can ever become an intergenerational youth phenomenon.
There’ll still be the books and my pay per view Web content. YORB will still be in the public eye but you’ll have to pay an ankle-scratchingly high fee to do so.
I’m not paying for that. I’m going to start my own much cheaper competitor, called Thou and Thine Sphere, or THPHERE for short.
You see you, right, you need to stop that. I will have my lawyers all over you like a fly over suspicious red sticky stuff down the side of a kitchen work top.
It’s too late. I’m already cornering the market. I’m already drawing away your core customer base. I’m already damaging your share price. Welcome to the cutthroat world of free market economics, bro.
Whatever you do your THPHERE will NEVER be as popular as YORB. Let that sink in and go suck a lemon or three.
You say that, but THPHERE has just been floated on the London Stock Exchange. If YORB tried that it would sink because it’s full of holes.
You see you, right? What you’ve done there isn’t on and I’m going to find a lot of people with sticks to come and smash up that antiques shop over the road you’re so fond of. Have a bit of that, Sunshine Derek!
I don’t care what you do to Sunshine Derek’s shop. It won’t halt the unstoppable march of the THPHERE.
Bring it, bitch. You bring it and I will un-bring it. Or I’ll bring it back, in spades. Yeah. WITH spades.
I’ll bring it and I’ll crush your YORB with it. There’ll just be YORB shards when I’m done. Ha. Un-bring that.
You’ll never crush my YORB (?) and everyone knows that YORBs are indestructible. If you’d read my book you’d know that.