Four Word Reviews: Dive InI thought it was finally over. The terrible CDs had finally run out, and if you’ve been paying attention you’ll have seen that it’s been a full year since we last paid a visit to the Four Word Review Auditorium. But no, it seems my luck ran out a little while ago when a jiffy bag dropped through the letterbox containing Dive In, the 2002 debut album from Popstars and Pop Idol star/idol Darius. Oh dear. Brace yourself, then: we’re going back in.
The *what* spray!?Having a stroll through the middle of Lidl, like any good 40 year old man does, I came across some sprays.
Nothing too remarkable about that. These ones were a set of liquids intended to be aerosolled into various bits of a car engine…
Engine Starter Spray: Fair enough. I’ve never needed such a thing, but I can understand why it exists.
V-Belt Spray: Again, I’ve never needed such stuff but its existence makes sense to me.
Anti-??? Spray: It protects your leads and cables, apparently you need to do this. It has “Excellent adhesion” and “Lasting protection”. But from what?
Competitions seem to be all the rage on the Beans lately, so what do you think? What common engine based malaise is this spray protecting from?
Last minute rush“… so nobody eat the mushroom cake because you could come out in a rash.
Moving onto our last race of the month, we see the “young” McIver slapping together whatever nonsense that could constitute as a post in order to fill his quota of four. It’ll probably have numerous spelling errors, make very little sense and be as disposable as any film created and released by Netflix.
Chris “Consider Me” Marshall, once the dark horse of the beans collective, now demoted to digging holes in his back garden and filling them with water just to get some attention. It’s a shameful practice and hopefully one that will eventually peter out because what the crowds want is more bathroom art and weird things he sees on the train to work posts. They ALWAYS go down a storm.
We finish, if you can call it a finish due to the unpredictable nature of the man, with the scant offerings of Kevin “Podcast pirate” Hill. Will he slide in with another podcast shortly before the end whistle? Will he be too tired to edit and post one? Does he have enough thumbs for the process after whittling so many wooden spoons? Only time will tell.
It’s going to be a scrabble however you look at it. Still we should all be grateful that these titans of men, these pillars of hope keep generating enough content to fill a website. Where others have fallen, they continue to get back up. I know I never get sick of reading it.
Anyway, onto Purdy’s prediction corner!”
Bit of a failI had big plans, huge plans. These plans were colossal and they were monstrous.
If you tried to eat them then you’d either break your jaw trying to fit them in your mouth or you’d have to stop maybe halfway through because you couldn’t have anymore, you were stuffed to the max. They were gigantic.
My marvellous post will have to wait for another time. Until then, feast your eyes on this quiche that my brother served us the last time we were in Leeds. He kept bigging it up (no pun intended), saying how epic it was, how it dwarfed a regular sized quiche and…
Well, it is slightly larger than your average quiche and that’s about it. When you compare it to the Duplo brick though it looks humongous.
Four Word Reviews: The Christmas AlbumIt’s April, which means that rising sense of child-like excitement you feel is thanks to Christmas. Here in the Four Word Review lounge we like to crack out a Christmas album around this time of the year (see previous scrapes with Mahalia, Streisand, Bublé and Jewel); now, as the log crackles on the fire and the snow falls outside, it’s time to drop the needle on another. Unfortunately the only festive album I seem to have in store is this one: it’s “The Christmas Album” by the Tweenies.
Southseeing not SouthdoingIt didn’t even have a title until I sat down to scan it in, and now here it is: the book recording possibly our most chaotic and disrupted silly weekend away together, the time that you were both supposed to see my new house and instead we all went to Portsmouth, except I wasn’t even in Portsmouth for some of the time.
Still, this one is an absolute joy to peruse. Among many other things, you can delight yourself with:
You can either try to remember it in vivid detail, or you can cheat by visiting our Books page.
InterludeThis month hasn’t been a great month for posting stuff, but luckily I had some stuff in mind so I’m just spamming the Beans with it tonight. The next one is some genuinely good content, but before we get to that, here’s something from a musical project we’ve all been trying to forget.
I still have hours and hours of this that we never even watched, let alone turned into something. Maybe this year I’ll do something with it all.
Your comfortable lifeThe other week we put our bin out as usual. The black bin, which is recycling, and not the green bin, which is landfill. I would like to meet the person who chose that colour scheme and ask them why they have to take their problems out on the rest of us.
Anyway, we put it out, and when the binpeople had done their thing, we brought it back in. Except now it had a lid that didn’t work properly – it was attached only at one side and flapped around in an unhelpful manner when you tried to open it.
Luckily there’s an easy fix. Amazon will sell you new hinge pins for wheely bins, and for reasons I don’t fully understand it will sell you a pack of eight. Who needs to repair that many wheely bin hinges all at once?
When the new plastic things arrived I opened the pack and fitted one, which resolved the bin problem. I then noticed the label on the packet.
“QOPAHI”, it said, this being the sort of mindless collection of letters that makes up every brand name on Amazon these days. “Enjoy your comfortable life”.
Thanks, Qopahi. I will.
