Category: Sorrow

Avatar Ode to a Face on a Spoon

Yes! I’ve finally gotten around to uploading my unfinished symphony to follow on the wooden spoon theme from June. If you could call it a theme.

It was mentioned once, and I have mentioned it again, so the theme has been continued.

Anyway, due to phenomenal demand (please, everyone calm down) here is my lovely unfinished song:

I was a little bit lonely
So I drew a face on a spoon
A wood spoon, a happy face,
Whistling a happy tune
I drew some bushy eyebrows
With the littlest of fuss
I also added a scar on his cheek
To look a little dangerous

Face on a spoon (not on a stick)
Face on a spoon (not on a stick)
Face on a spoon (now that’s a trick)
Face on a spoon, and not on a stick

One day I’ll finish it and I will earn a million pounds exactly.

Avatar Ode to a Broken Spoon

Some months ago, while stirring a particularly stiff risotto – which, really, needed more liquid as it was far too solid in that state – I applied too much pressure and snapped the wooden spoon in half.

It’s only now, with the passage of time, that I feel able to begin to come to terms with this tragic event and to put some of my feelings into words.

I have now written a poem about this incident. I’m sure you understand how difficult this is for me and I’d be incredibly grateful to have your support.

Broken wooden spoon

Wooden spoon, wooden spoon
Hardwood utensil
For my cookery a boon
In rice-filled pan
You tried your best
But perished when you faced the test

Your shaft bore the scars
Of previous mistreatment
Of singes and overheating
At my behest

I feel
I regret
I cry
To the moon
For you
For you
My spoon

Avatar Missing a Bean

I was all set. All on track to get my full bean on the Bean Counter for May. Three in the bag, one post still to make on the 31st to bring me up to the requisite number. Had my topic lined up and everything.

All on track, that is, until I got a text to say that there was a free screening of Labyrinth, the David Bowie goblin king spectacular, in a park near me and did I want to go? Well of course I wanted to go, and go I did, forgetting all about my post and my perilously low post count for May.

I’m not telling you I didn’t enjoy Labyrinth. I did. I enjoyed every moment of it. I cheered along with the crowd whenever Bowie’s leggings were on screen (seriously, he might as well be naked from the waist down) and waved my arms in the air through the voodoo song. I shouted “double yellow lorry” at an appropriate moment. It was great. I’m not saying I didn’t enjoy it at all.

I’m just saying that waking up this morning and realising that another pea would be permanently added to my record on the Beans has soured it for me, just a little bit. That’s all.

Avatar Sun Guilt

Today I’m suffering the sun guilt. It’s a condition I first identified last year, and while I haven’t been able to cure myself of it, having a diagnosis is definitely helping.

This is what happens.

You get a sunny day, like today for example. It was 25 degrees here, clear blue skies, sunny, a gentle breeze to take the heat off – just beautiful. It’s been like this for a few days, but I was at work then, and today is a day off. Today is my day off and it’s a sunny, beautiful day. And that’s when the sun guilt strikes.

The sun guilt says: you missed all that nice weather while you were at work. But you’re not at work today. You should do something with it. It would be a waste not to do something with it. But my plans today don’t involve lazing around on a beach, or having a barbecue in the garden I don’t have, or playing beach volleyball with some Brazilians. I have other stuff to do. Non-sunny stuff. And then I feel guilty for wasting the sunny day.

What I realised last year was that actually I’m not very good at sunny days. I get sunburnt easily and hot weather makes me tired and sweaty and I’d always rather be in the shade. Sunny weather is wasted on me. I have to accept that it’s OK not to be doing sunny things just because it’s sunny. I have a life to live and sunny days are wasted on me anyway.

But this is the first one of the year and I’m having a pretty hard time with the sun guilt all the same.