User avatar How to cake

Do you need to cake? If your loved one is celebrating a birthday, wedding, divorce or bar mitzvah, you might need to cake. Nobody – and this, I must remind you, is the law – can celebrate properly without cake.

What I’m saying is that you almost certainly need to cake. But how do […]

User avatar Once upon a Time

Once there was a man who lived in his house with his wife and two kids.

It was a happy home, mainly because of the love shared between everyone but also because it had about five thousand rooms and was kept constantly up-to-date because of the man’s obsession with DIY. It had more bathrooms […]

User avatar Things! Ep. 3 – Omnibox

Sometimes it takes a single person of extraordinary vision to show the world what it has been lacking, and in a single moment, change everything. Sometimes that unique talent is a leader, who brings peace and harmony to a divided people; sometimes it is a businessman who can build a global corporation based on benevolence […]

User avatar A Sensual Awakening: Two Word Reviews

Everything gets reviewed these days, from mobile phones to toilet cleaners, so it seems only fair that The Papples latest body of work should be included.

Sarah and I sat down this fine evening to give ‘A Sensual Awakening’ a good going over, and decided that rather than use lots of words to accurately […]

User avatar Ffffifth

Back in spring of this year, the music press were full of excitable rumours about a new supergroup being formed by The Papples and elusive pop star Kevil, with Nizzle said to be on board to produce their debut EP.

Naturally, we all assumed that nothing those three renowned artists did could fail to succeed, […]

User avatar This is me on PouringBeans…

…typing a message that other people can read.

You two always say that I’m never on “the beans” and that I never write things for other people to read.

Well HA!

This is me proving that I do (occasionally) write things and that you two have done a reading of them. And just to prove […]

User avatar Christmas inventory

It’s the end of Christmas now, and there’s no more Christmas left to be handed out, so it’s time to count up and see what this year’s season has poured into my jug.


Ten socks Brown and yellow checked shirt Mr Bowie t-shirt


500g slab of chocolate bag of hilarious chocolate “sprouts” Box […]

User avatar Ode to a Face on a Spoon

Yes! I’ve finally gotten around to uploading my unfinished symphony to follow on the wooden spoon theme from June. If you could call it a theme.

It was mentioned once, and I have mentioned it again, so the theme has been continued.

Anyway, due to phenomenal demand (please, everyone calm down) here is my lovely […]