In the second installment of Crazy Religos, I’ve decided to bring you the wonderfully insightful pamphlet, “Who Really Rules the World?” from the Jehovah’s Witnesses. If you didn’t think they were a bit odd for spending time going and bothering folks on their doorstep to talk about their imaginary friends then maybe you’ll be fine with the conculsions in here, but for the rest of us…
So… who did you think was in charge? The governments? The illuminati? The Women’s Institute? Apparently most of us think its God, despite the complete lack of evidence for his existence, and the fact that it isn’t.
Like the Jesus Disco leaflet, this one goes to great lengths to let us know that in fact it’s “The one called Devil and Satan”. Their proof for this (unsurprisingly) comes from the bible, but even by bible standards this one is a bit of a stretch. Their proof is that the Devil offered Jesus “all the kingdoms of the world”, to which Jesus said “Go away”.
I don’t know about you but I’ve had all sorts of cranks offer me things that don’t exist, and my response is generally something along the lines of “go away”. Yet to the JW’s this is proof enough that the Devil is in charge. If we apply that logic to the “Goop Expert” Kelly Brogan (Goop being the dangerous pseudoscience scam fronted by Gwyneth Paltrow) who said recently that the Coronavirus likely doesn’t exist because contagion “is not a conceptual framework that I operate within”. She’s an ‘expert’/crank so should we now have to believe that the virus doesn’t exist?
I’m ranting, I know.
Luckily (!) its all going to be ok because, despite old devil-chops having been in charge for the last 2000-odd years, “The time is now near when Satan and his Cohorts will be no more!”. “The world [and its demon rulers] is passing away”, claims some text allegedly written 2000 years ago.
So… errm… It’s all ok, the devil wont be in charge for much longer… because the world is ending…. 2000 years ago.
There seems to be a hole in the logic.
20 comments on “Crazy Religos: Who Really Rules The World?”
I always thought Phil Collins was in charge. Who’s this devil geezer? Does he write million-selling hit pop albums as well?
He must do. I’ve heard that the Devil has all the best tunes.
(Ding! Start the clock.)
Was that a joke? You can’t start your own clock.
Sorry. Does that mean that I’m disqualified from both winning AND losing?
This is a bit of a side note but do you think Phil Collins would consider changing his name to Drill Vollins? It sounds much better.
Was that even a joke? I don’t think it was. That was just an expression parading around as a joke in a false moustache.
Your face is an expression parading around as a joke.
With zingers like that you should be in the… oh wait, never mind. Some of us are too good to be in the frat-zing.
Also, your face.
My face learned from your face.
Also, yolo.
My face is an encyclopedia waiting to happen. It’s 1000 + pages of interesting shizz with pictures done by Axel Scheffler and a foreword by Dave Benson Phillips.
Interesting shizz is exactly what should be in an encyclopedia. I look forward to leafing through your beautifully-illustrated face next time we meet.
You touch me, you have to pay for it. Have your London pounds ready, Southerner.
What if I turn the pages of your face with a sort of stick, rod or prong? Or if I use a hand fan to gently blow the pages over, one at a time? No touchy, no cashy, as my uncle used to say.
You will find it very difficult, it will take you much many longer minutes but I cannot charge you. You’ll have to soak up the knowledge very slowly and have a lot of hot drinks to keep you company on your expedition.
I’ve got a pack of longer minutes to spend (what?) so I’m up for the challenge if you can bear the wait (eh?). Stand by for a gentle turning with a long prong (no, stop it).
It will also cost you quite a large handful of pound minutes too. I hope you have some stashed away for a rainy day.
Also, I typed stashed away from a rainy day, as if the rain would come and steal your money away when you left for work. Those clouds are always looking at my rattling coins (what?) in a murderous mist of jel/env.
What is a pound minute? I’m sorry to say that you have never actually explained it in a way that makes any sense whatsoever. As a result I don’t have any.
Are you kidding? I wrote that entire article post explaining the whole everything. Don’t tell me you didn’t read it!
Keep your coins hidden from those clouds.
I did read it and, having not understood it at all when I started reading, I understood it even less by the time I got to the end.
Right, so what you’re saying is that the information was given to you in a friendly and clearly-written way, and you got distracted by some spangly seagulls, and forgot about it.