I, like you, have a pair of feet (that is unless you’re Chris and you have three legs, or maybe four, I forget about that conversation in and around his shoe poem) and there is nothing that I wouldn’t do to protect my feet.
Someone invented shoes and the world rejoiced. From then there was some protection from the tiny little stones on that the ground, the acorns, possibly broken glass and even if someone has been a bit careless with their muesli. Oh, what a happy time it was.
But there was a catch. Each shoe was a one-way street; there was never a chance that the left shoe could be put on the right foot and vice versa. If you lost one of them then you had to find another that would fit. The unique shape on the foot meant that only a lefty would fit the left. People should have the freedom to wear what they wanted and that would never be the case.
Do you remember the old expression, “the shoe is on the other foot”? I see that as the future.
Imagine a shoe that could slip onto either foot. You’re no longer held captive by these prehistoric methods of yore. You’re so engrossed in that three bean salad podcast that you’re not even paying attention to what goes on where and, you know what? It doesn’t matter. My invention, the Neutral Shoe (no trademarks yet, please don’t steal my ideas), is pertinent enough to adapt to its surroundings, namely your foot. I haven’t drawn up the blueprints yet however I imagine the same sleek design from the heel to the long bit in the middle. At the end though, that’s when things get interesting.
It curves around so it’s wide enough to fit either the left or right foot. Your toes are free to wiggle about yet it’s still snug enough to not feel as though you’re walking around in a pair of flipflops (nobody wants that). The Neutral Shoe will be a thing of beauty; not necessarily solving any of life’s major problems but there to offer a helping hand (or foot) when you need it most. Putting on a pair of shoes will be different and new at the same time.
All I need is five hundred thousand pounds and I can get to work. You have my bank details, gentlemen, and I look forward to seeing you all at the champagne launch ceremony in six to nine months time.
12 comments on “Inventing the Future”
I do have your bank details, and I’ll be using them to inform your bank that their client is unhinged. This is preposterous.
Don’t you want shoe freedom? Feet freedom? Shoe shoedom?
I always knew you were a philistine.
No I don’t. I like living in a shoe dictatorship, with the certain knowledge that each shoe fits on only one foot and that any attempt to stray from the Right and Proper Way of wearing shoes will result in pain, sadness, and ultimately time in jail.
It’s people like you that keep me and my dreams in a tiny box underneath the sink, covered in cleaning materials, possibly hidden behind another box full of odd DIY bits, rather than letting me soar like a wing or a pair of wings.
OK. I’ll make you a deal. I will permit you to soar like one (1) wing, provided you agree never, NEVER, to soar like a pair of wings, or any number of wings higher than one (1).
Does it offend you, yeah?
Your face offends me.
Every time you #zing you get ever closer to the fraternity of zingers. It sets off the #zing alarm and we all spring into action.
Every time I get closer to the fraternity of zingers I take a few steps in the other direction just to keep a safe distance. You don’t get me that easily.
You better be careful. The zing net keeps wafting in your general direction and one day it’s going to catch you like that time Donovan catched the wind. Maybe he caught it. Whatever he did he’s got the wind and you can’t have it. So there.
I don’t want the wind or the zingers. I’m not sure what I do want.
No, actually, I’ve thought about it and I want a Solero.
The Hyundo Solero? The new car from Hyundo? I can’t afford that. Have a Furd cross stitch instead. It’s not as fast but it’s built for economy rather than speed.