User avatarMay Review – a review of May

Well, wasn’t that a nice May? It may (huh huh) have passed rather quickly but it’s fair to say that we all had a smashing time regardless. What did we learn?

We learned a lot about automobiles thanks to the super brain of ocular octogenarian Smidge Manly. Chris finally learned that he isn’t actually any relation to Kelly Jones and is in fact somehow part of the wind family. What kind of crazy reunion will he have later on this year? Can I manage to get past this section without a wind-based pun?

Kevin learned that continually not posting on the beans will leave him with a shameful string of dried-up peas. This kind of legacy is not a good legacy for loved ones, and the gif of the Changlet shaking his head in despair will remain at the back of his mind for decades to come.

I did not learn a thing. What I did was set myself umpteen challenges without properly considering the words that were coming out my mouth and through the tiny letters on my phone. It does mean that I have a full list, chocked full of nonsense, to keep me occupied during those warm summer nights.

Reuben learned that being hit with a cricket bat really sodding hurts. Audrey learned not to leave Reuben and I in charge of her flat when she goes on holiday, for fear of returning to pickle-based games with no clear end to them (which she did, for when she went away the second time this month she got her brother to keep an eye on it). At least one of us is learning.

Take a deep breath. By the time you let it out its already be June.

20 comments to May Review – a review of May

  • I don’t think that’s something Kev learned this month. It’s something he could have learned in almost any month since early 2014 but I don’t think he has.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    He refuses to learn anything which is something I both admire and ridicule him for.

    “You know where you stang with Mr Chang” (ahem, sorry…)

  • Your last sentence is correct. I just took a deep breath, and when I let it out, its already be June.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Ah right, so not my previous last sentence about stangin’ with Mr Changin’. I do have a lot of last sentences, don’t I?

    How do you feel now that it is June? Can you mack it?

  • I can’t even begin to make sense of the first part of your comment, so I’m going to ignore it.

    I feel EXCELLENT. I am macking it so hard the edges are coming off.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Waaaaaaaaaaaaaay (what?)

    If someone can mack the edges off something then it’s definitely you. Can you mack the edges off a shrine?

  • Are you saying that June is a shrine?

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    Nay, it was a completely unrelated question, such as this:

    “If you can fit a glove on your foot is it still a glove or is it a foot glove or a sock?”

  • If the glove fit your foot, you would either have hand shaped feet, of sock shaped gloves. Is a glove that’s the shape of a sock still a glove?

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    My hand is shaped like a hand. My foot is shaped like a foot. I think though that I could still fit a glove on my foot with some “gentle persuasion”. Does that make me a sadist?

  • No, it makes you an idiot.

  • I’m not clear whether you’d be attempting to persuade the glove or the foot. I don’t think either would be listening, which makes them the smart ones in this scenario.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    I’d make it a nice meal, light a couple of candles and see if that sets the right mood. Then I’d take me socks off…

    Woah sorry there. That actually was an extract from my new book: ‘How You can You Be? The You within You’.

  • It sounds quite a lot like a Love Situation, if I’m honest.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    It does, a little bit. If only there was some way we could check this.

    Also my new book is out in August (I’m not telling you where the warehouse is).

  • Don’t worry, your publisher emails us as soon as all the stock arrives in one location for easy, comprehensive destruction.

  • I have to say the title of the new one makes it sound delightfully flammable.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    I’m getting them all printed on non-flammable plastic chopping boards. The deluxe limited edition comes with a free onion.

  • That’s either a very short book or a lot of chopping boards.

  • Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver

    It’s long enough to warrant the £9.99 for the standard edition and a whopping £24.99 for the limited edition.

    At least that’s what my agent keeps telling me…

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