Hi there, welcome to a new series where we review the mundane everyday objects that everyone has and pays no attention to. This time around its the turn of Toothpaste.
Grand Moments in Grand Designs, episode 43
Hello and welcome to another edition of Grand Moments in Grand Designs.
Today we look back on the never-to-be-forgotten moment when Kevin off of Grand Designs was going to stand on an arch that had been made out of tiles and plaster by some bloke who was building a house on Grand Designs.
Here we see them linking arms in preparation for stepping onto the arch, but this still image has a poignancy and emotion all its own, evoking as it does the tension and the energy of Greco-Roman wrestlers engaged in noble combat.
Go on Kevin, deck him!
Wait, no, this is a celebration of unorthodox and innovative architectural practices. That’s not appropriate.
Next time, we look at the incredible time when Kevin off of Grand Designs wore a particularly vibrant jumper and scarf combination on the day the double glazing was late.
My Morning Snap-It
I love blurry photos. For some reason they really resonate with me and even though you may have spent ages keeping your hand steady to get that perfect shot only for it to look as though my eyes have photographed it for you (my sight is really bad…) it still makes me titter like a dormouse.
Yesterday Siobhan and I drove 175 odd miles to Manchester to watch My Morning Jacket. I took a handful of snaps of the gig but this in particular is my absolute favourite:
It made getting back at 2:40am all the better for knowing I had this photo saved in my phone and in my heart.
It’ll never be on the front of a Hallmark card, which is for the best really… you’d feel fairly unappreciated if you received a birthday card with this on the front.
Unknown Pleasures
It seems as though most of my posts this month have merely been transcribed moments of wonder from other people, and who am I to change the habit of a lifetime? Besides I’m too busy writing new songs for the Papples, or scratching myself using pointy kitchen utensils, to actually come up with anything myself. I might toss off a photo or something just to make up the numbers.
Anyway, onwards and upwards. I stumbled across this the other day. It is a song written by Reuben presumably just after waking up because not a lot of it makes sense, but these are the things that will be framed and handed out to his friends when he reaches some embarrassing age yet to be determined by me and a case of Jack Daniels.
There isn’t any music so you’ll have to imagine the tune yourself. I’ve copied it word for word, including spelling and grammatical errors. I think it’s much better this way:
I Sang To The Kitty
I sang to the kitty and, He trumped in my face.
So I ran to the kitchen and he followed my trace.
I gave the kitty pie’s and he trumped in my eye’s.
So listen hear Child, most cats are realy quite mild.
So listen hear Child, most cats are realy quite mild.
What I most love about it is that he is trying to educate his peers like he is a wise man or some sort of Shamen; you must watch out for felines farting, it’s a common concern about the pre-teens. In fact I shall be launching a poster campaign along those lines within the coming weeks.
Coming soon: another song I found with a spectacular misspelling of the word ‘yesterday’.
Immortalised in stone
It’s with great joy that I can now announce the unveiling of a statue to commemorate my life’s work and achievements. It has been carved from stone and then coloured exquisitely by a team of master craftsmen from Madame Tussaud’s in order to create a lifelike rendering of my own handsome and stylish body.
Please feel free to use the comments thread below this post to discuss all the wonderful things I have done and the many reasons you admire me.
Beans 2015 Customer Satisfaction Survey
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To help make sure we’re doing all we can, please complete this short survey about your experience here at The Beans.
The Wit and Wisdom of Big Dave
Ah, wisdom. Not everyone has it and those that do have it more often than not will refuse to share it. Not so Big Dave. Why, if wisdom was a pie he would be handing out slices every minute of the day. It would have to be an infinite or infinity pie to accommodate such a large selection of knowledge.
Having spent approximately four days in the Lake District with him last week I think it’s fair to say that I am currently the best placed person to pass on the wisdom to the rest of the world. Strap yourself in because your life will change dramatically as a result of reading the rest of this post:
(on trying to teach Reuben how to whistle) “Just imagine you’re kissing a girl with a very small mouth.”
“The pigeons are spooning! Spooning I say!”
“I’m itching… because I’m cold…”
“It’s a book about a man being a seagull… I think…”
“No, I don’t watch Brookside. It doesn’t appeal to me.”
It’s fair to say that Quack-dad, as he is sometimes known, has enriched our lives so much that things will never be the same again.
The fact that he tried to feed us mince for every meal should also go on record.
Shatnerlink
In these tough financial times, we can’t expect our public services to run the way they always used to. The days of government subsidy are over. Hospitals, schools, old people, making George Osborne’s hair look like the plastic helmet hair of a Lego man: all these things cost money. There isn’t enough to go round.
That’s why, increasingly, public services are being run as public-private partnerships, where stakeholders outside the public sector are brought in to invest and improve our services. One of the latest examples of this, and the most innovative, has been the pairing of Manchester’s tram network with celebrity spaceman William Shatner.
Shatner has pledged to invest £2.3 billion in Manchester’s trams over the next fifteen years, renewing the vehicle fleet and upgrading passenger information services. In return, he gets a major boost to his profile, with his face adorning the new tram livery and his voice used for automated announcements. To complete the effect, his unique style of speech has also been replicated in writing.
The dawn of the Shatnerlink era is just the latest step in the long-running association between trams and space travel, and looks set to ensure that Manchester continues to have a world-class transport network and that William Shatner remains reasonably famous.