User avatar Ruislip Man

I think I’m on to something big here, but I want to know if you think it’s marketable *finger window*.

I moved to Ruislip back in August and immediately noticed that this large and important suburb was entirely missing its own superhero. I have decided it is my civic duty to fill this clear gap. […]

User avatar WEAPONS!

How do you store your weapons?

Do you keep them in a cupboard? Do you show them off in a stunning display in the nook at the top of the stairs? Are they lightly nailed to the wooden beam across the dining room ceiling?

A charity shop near where my mum lives likes to […]

User avatar How Thick Are Ye?

The great thing about television is that now, in 2017, pretty much any idea is marketable. So much so that there are now programmes about watching people get married, watching people having babies, watching people having opinions and watching people watching television. Personally I am looking forward to the programme where you get to watch […]

User avatar Robert Koch – The Musical

I’m not very into musicals. The whole idea of spending two hours watching people burst into song every five minutes, quite frankly, gives me palpitations of a rocky and unnerving manner that no amount of marshmallows can settle. It seems as though a lot of subject matter has been turned into musicals, both in the […]

User avatar The Caboodle List – The Seven Tasks of Kevin

I’ve had many jobs in my long and illuminating life. Everything you can think of from washing machine repair man to office monkey to cleaning jockey to whipping boy. I have ticked a lot of boxes and with so many years left to go it’s fair to say that I’ll have a couple more under […]

User avatar Gaffer Tape Adventures

Are you bored of walking home from work the same way? Sick of seeing the same sights as you trudge to your girlfriend’s house? Have you had enough of using your eyes and witnessing a monotonous, predictable series of events every day of your life but can’t afford a holiday to sweeten the deal?


User avatar The Beans Baby Boutique

UPDATE: The Cow Illuminator has now sold out. Further stock is expected within the following month but keep an eye on our updates and more information will be posted in due course.

Now, babies eh? They’re all over the place; literally. They are literally all over the place because there’s so many of them. They […]

User avatar Uppy – The Aerodynamic Dog

Hey YOU! Yes, YOU! Look at all that money just hiding in your wallet and / or purse. It’s wasting away there. What you’re looking for is a unique investment opportunity and that’s exactly what we’ve got for YOU right here on the Beans Shopping Network.

Dogs eh? Wonderful animals. Darling little creatures but gosh […]