Category: Lumpy and/or mysterious

Avatar Ian’s horoscope

It took him long enough, and I had to ask virtually every day, but Ian has now finally told me his star sign. So now, just in time for the new year, I can give him his horoscope for 2020.

Sagi-taurus

Outlook for 2020

Your love of cake motivates you to accomplish up to three things this year!

Motto: if you can reach it, you can make it sticky.

Love life

King, the god of love and pride, is your ruler and as he starts the year out in Aquarius, your mind opens to new ideas and new sexual positions. A new postman will visit your house between November and December, when your focus will be to make intimate connections to something larger than yourself, like a Volkswagen Passat or a Nisa-branded newsagent.

Venus enters your sign in early March for about three weeks. Pleasure and passion will combine to help you enjoy the finer things in life. The one retrograde period is from mid-May to end of June, during Venus’s trip through Gemini, causing you to ponder the benefits of online dating. While you have a high ratio of kissing within lips, it’s interesting to consider the alternatives.

Fortunes

Uranus, the planet of innuendo, will be ramping your sign all year, causing upheaval. Your outgoing, annoying personality is backed by your power planet, Jupiter. That means your good luck is directly tied to your arms this year, ensuring that you make your own luck by working hard and actively shaping your own future, perhaps by drawing it or even by acting out your desires as charades when you think nobody is looking.

You’re ready to work hard for the pleasures life has to offer – you will get particular joy this year from hot, salty chips, walking the wrong way on an escalator and free online pornography. You don’t have to apologize for that, unless you try to enjoy all three at the same time.

Your senses are awakened, and you will consider launching your own range of salad dressings.

Progress

Winning is your main objective and you can be a sore loser. The sun visits your sign in the spring, but hates you and doesn’t stay for long. Frustrated, you will destroy anything in your path, ramming your way toward achieving your goals. Anyone who stands in your way now will get decked.

The B&M Home Stores sale, from early October to mid-November, helps you reawaken your underlying fire and understand why you’ve been running out of basic toiletries so often. Embrace opportunities for spiritual healing now.

Avatar Seagull competition

Look at this thoughtful chap.

Seagull

He’s perched on a lamp post on Llandudno pier, gazing out to sea. Down below, fat tourists wander around with sticky donuts and runny ice cream, but from his vantage point, the sound of waddling morons dies away. He hears the wind whipping at his sleek feathers and the call of the other gulls circling above. He sees the sun glimmering from the rolling peaks of the slate grey Irish Sea. He is deep in existential contemplation.

The question is, what is he contemplating?

That important question is not just about probing the philosophical leanings of a Welsh sea bird. It’s also your route to a big, big prize, which may or may not be fish-based.

If you think you know the answer, and you’d like to be in with a chance of winning the Luxury Mystery Prize that might have been selected by a seagull, then leave your answer, answers or both in the comments below.

As the seagull himself would say: squawk!

Avatar Pie Shaver

Don’t you sometimes want to do something a little unorthodox? Don’t you want to live life on the edge? When someone points the finger at you, accusing you of being a boring old fart, don’t you want to hold something up and tell them that they’re wrong?

Don’t you sometimes want to shave a pie?

Behold!

Reuben and I did. It was a marvellous occasion for all, except the pie, which everyone forgot about and had to be thrown out.

Avatar Smidge on Science: Wind

You can feel the wind, can’t you? You can hold up your hand when you’re outdoors and feel it. But you can’t see it. Have you ever noticed that?

If you haven’t noticed that, then don’t feel bad. It’s just that you and I don’t have the keen scientific mind of Smidge Manly. He did notice that, and what’s more he tracked down a couple of experts who could help him, and you, the ignorant public, to understand why.

Rejoice, for the third episode of Smidge on Science is with us, and it contains an unexpected appearance from an old friend!

Avatar Mysterious lumps

I went for a walk yesterday and explored a park near me that I haven’t been to before. There’s a lot of places near me that I haven’t been to before, because I only recently moved to Royksopp.

It turns out the park contains normal park things (grass, trees, vandalised benches, bins mostly full of water from when it rained). It also contains four mysterious lumps. If I described them to you they’d sound like hills so I am including pictures here to make it clear that they are not hills, they are mysterious lumps, and there are four of them.

A series of lumps

They are all different heights and they are perfectly circular, like weird pyramids. You can climb them all if you want to. Three are just grassy and you have to scramble up but one of them has a spiralling path to the top. It’s surprisingly tall – not that West London is particularly hilly, but it’s higher than all the other hills you can see and most of the buildings. You can see out to the countryside south of London, and to Canary Wharf, and to a little thing on the horizon called the Crystal Palace Transmitter which I have seen somewhere before.

The signs explain that, far from being lumps, they are actually mounds. I was very glad to have the mystery cleared up in this way.

Please use this thread to share stories of any intriguing lumps, mounds or protrudances you have witnessed lately.