You awake in a large room. You don’t have a pillow under your neck so it has that stiff feeling that takes a couple of hours to disappear.
There is nobody else in the room except you and a large red button on a table in the middle. With no idea where you are nor what you are doing there you have no choice but to press the red button.
In doing so a loud voice begins to talk through the small hatch in the ceiling. Yes, it’s a small hatch: “GOOD MORNING ADVENTURER. YOU HAVE BEEN CHOSEN TO EMBARK ON A MIGHTY QUEST, THE DETAILS OF WHICH WILL BE EXPLAINED SHORTLY BUT FIRST… YOU MUST CHOOSE YOUR COMPANION…”
The wall immediately in front of you reveals four separate containers containing four separate people. You walk forward to look closer at the individuals and are shocked and surprised to see:
1. Jimmy Somerville circa 1986 – ‘Don’t Leave Me This Way’ has just reached number 1 in the charts so he is giddy as a kipper. He is clutching a signed photo of Sarah Jane Morris and holds a portable microphone in his belt.
2. Patrick Stewart – dressed as Danger Mouse. Whilst he may not have the same prowess he commands on the stage he can still kick yo ass if you cross his path. He has a mace covered in blood strapped to his back.
3. Glenn Hoddle’s mullet – fresh off the back of his thrilling football career in Tottenham Hotspur and his number 12 hit with Chris Waddle, this mullet has seen more action than a revolving door. It’s nicely permed at the top and smells minty fresh.
4. Blossom – not the actress Mayim Bialik but the character ‘Blossom’ from the 90’s TV series ‘Blossom’ about some girl called ‘Blossom’. She’s a teenager so she’s concerned more about boys and, I dunno, spots but she’s also got a ton of brains and can offer you fashions tips.
You can only choose one; which companion do you choose?
After Kev and I wrote “biscuits” and “breakfast” as the first two items on our shopping list, it became clear that our entire shopping trip would be only for items beginning with B.
So we took our bags, browsed the bargains and bought a bounty.
Things we bought:
- Big tomato
- Banoffee pie
- Brown onion
- Bow tie pasta
Things we listed but decided not to buy:
- Bath oil
- Butternut squash
- Brandy snaps
- Bearnaise sauce
It was, clearly, brilliant.
It’s around this time of the year that everyone looks to the future. There is a lot of talk about Christmas and the inevitable run up and everything involved. Let us not forget the things though that are constant. These things that are around us on a regular basis that refuse to give up when times are hard. I am, of course, talking about cheese.
When was the last time you gave a hearty shout out to the marvel of cheese?
When did you last go a bit glossy-eyed about a bit of Brie or a slice of Red Leicester?
There are some members of this website that regularly draw themselves as a large clump of cheese that wanders around London in a top hat. That I confess I have never done, yet I feel a strong affinity with cheese. It hides in my sandwich and tickles my fancy. It stares at me longingly from the shelves, urging me to purchase it.
There have been times when in my darkest moments I have not acknowledged it in the way that it deserves and I am looking to rectify that in any way I can. So here it is, my little flag-waving entry in the long history of the Beans to pull up a chair and put my arm around that most helpful and comforting of fellows. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you cheese.
(Addendum: this post was created in conjunction with the fact that homage rhymes with the French word for ‘cheese’).
Time for some serious discussion here on PB…
What is your favourite meat?
You can, and must, ONLY choose one of the following, unless you want to add another, and then you can, that’s fine too:
- Fish (they’re all the same)