Welcome back to Melocaeruledus corner. This week we take a deep dive into the scarier parts of the Fladger family tree with the Honey Fladger…
Honey Fladger
Scientific Name: Melocaeruledus melliferus (melliferus = “honey-bearing”, fitting its honey badger heritage and predatory, aggressive nature.)
Common Names: The Honey Badger,
Habitat: Savannah, scrublands, arid grasslands.
Description: The Honey Fladger combines the white-headed bastardry of the honey badger (Mellivora capensis) with the shiney blue abdomen of a bluebottle fly. Compound eyes lend it a fearsome viso/volto.
Behaviour: Both feared and admired by locals, Its powerful build makes it a fearless hive-raider. Shrugging off bee stings, it consumes the honey, wax, and larvae with equal relish. Whilst it will generally eat anything that annoys it, it has a fondness for snakes, biting them behind the head and dropping them from a great hight onto other unsuspecting Honey Fladgers.
Notes: Its buzzing flight has been likened to the growl of a wolverine caught in a trap.
14 comments on “Guide to the Genus Melocaeruledus: The Honey Fladger”
This absolutely and permanently ends any possibility of me ever visiting savannah, scrublands or arid grasslands.
If we keep getting a steady supply of these then your higher education was worth every penny.
I don’t think we have any savannah round our way. I keep asking people and they think it’s a woman, and reply that they don’t know anyone by that name (ding!)
Hang on, I hadn’t even thought of relating this to Kev’s new scientific mastery. Is this what he’s turning his mind to now he’s a qualified Master of Science?
I did an elective module in animal hybrids. I’m surprised I never mentioned it.
I don’t think you did but this is all starting to add up now. Did these hybrids already exist or are they coursework?
He’s been tinkering with them for years in his garage between hosing down the pipe flaps and other essential household chores. Now he’s legit enough to get away with displaying his wares.
I’m starting to think the years of study were just to legitimise his Mastery of Science so his horrific animal experiments would be taken seriously. And now here we are, with savannah, scrublands and grasslands all out of bounds.
It’s true. He’s bought a secret island off the course of Bridlington and he’s starting to ship the animals over this week. I’ve seen his plans; they’re “horrific”.
I havent created any of these… I may have encouraged them to breed and so produce an army of badger based super-soldiers, but i dont think we need to get into that here.
Will all the awful animals be safely contained on Bridlington Island or will some still be roaming the scrub/savannah/sand dunes?
Oh they will be free roaming as they see fit, but will be ready to respond at a moments notice.
I don’t say this lightly, but I think for the sake of humanity you need to be stopped.
The world needs more badger-based concoctions. Children’s literature has grown very stale. Perhaps Kev could use his monstrosities to fashion an empire of children’s books and a Saturday morning tv show.