Play that funky music (Kevin)Reuben recently revealed to me that whenever he hears the song ‘Play that funky music’ by the mostly never heard of band Wild Cherry he imagines Kevin as the lead singer.
Does this mean that the singer sounds like Kevin when he sings or does Kevin have a striking resemblance to Wild Cherry singer Rob Parissi?
Yes I can hear you Clem Fan-microwaveWe own a microwave. Big deal right, who doesn’t? Ours was far too expensive. I’m not bragging, this isn’t beacuse we wanted a fancy brand microwave oven combo thing from a fancy brand, but because we wanted one that didnt ‘explode when you use the cleaning setting’ (Hotpoint/Whirlpool/Indesit) or ‘frequently burn your arms on the metal posts on the door’ (Siemens/Bosch/AEG)… and also because we had the cheek to try and get a kitchen fitted during a brexity pandemic, and all (some of) the other ones we could have bought were unavailable.
The device itself is excellent, it cooks food the way you’d expect it to and it looks nice in the cupboard above the oven it matches. The problem is that THE DAMN THING NEVER SHUTS UP!!!!1!!1!1!!!!
I would say its safe to say that almost all microwaves (even ones combined into an oveny thing) give some sort of audible alert to let you know its finished. From the humble ding of a bell, to the frankly unnecessary tune of a midi melody. That said, ours makes a little “bee-boop” noise when its finished. Fine. That’s enough, I know you’ve finished. So why does ours insist on beeping every 15 odd seconds until you open the door?!? It’s a microwave, when it stops doing its thing the cooking is no longer happening, not like an oven where leaving the thing you’re cooking in there will cause it to dry up and burn due to residual heat or whatever. The only danger is that the thing I was cooking/warming will go a bit cold. Shut the hell up! Just stop.
I know this sounds like a non-issue, but I often use the microwave whilst cooking to part-cook things, or cook rice before frying etc etc. I don’t always need the thing I’ve microwaved ‘right now’. Its fine for it to sit there for a bit…. STOP SAYING “BEE-BOOP”.
I’ve looked in the settings… twice. I’ve even emailed the customer services team who say it cant be changed, and then checked the settings a third time anyway.
Whatever, queue the derision…
ABOFB 26: Sex & SandpaperA episode that’s a month late, but guaranteed not to disappoint*, we take a very quick detour from the starting question to discuss:
*Guarantee valid only for residents of care homes and Finland.
ABOFB 25: RacehorsesIn another longer-than-usual episode, chris poses an excellent question about racehorses which leads us down many an interesting path. Its also the catalyst for our first ever ‘Bonus Episode’!
Listen in close as we discuss:
Bonus Episode: Can Donkey Swim in River?
The big question raised in this episode was “can donkeys swim”? Chris found ‘an’ answer online. This is that answer, complete with much giggling.
Cruel, cruel irony…In my time, I’m well aware that I’ve been known to be an annoying pedant:
Anyway…
Last week we bought a new cutlery set. Our old one was getting tatty and the shiny bits were starting to wear off, so we popped down to Freeport and bought a new one.
Sometimes life just conspires to give you a metaphorical middle finger…
Kevin Hill – Mega fanFollowing the recent bombshell that our beloved Kev was a secret Lionel Ritchie fan, it prompted me to check if this was correct or more cranks from the rumour mill. That mill has a lot to answer for; it’s where all that speculation about me and the Duchess of Cornwall came from. You come off the London Eye together, rubbing your mouth and pulling up yours trousers and all of a sudden you’re having an affair, completely ridiculous.
I expect he thought he would get away with it but knowing there were cameras about he couldn’t quite help himself so, guard well and truly dropped, out come his pearly whites and cheeky grin. I’ll see if you can spot him in the crowd. It took me a few attempts to find him.
I don’t know why you didn’t tell us sooner, Kev, there’s nothing to be ashamed about secretly jiving to ‘All Night Long’ in the garage when the kids have gone to bed. In fact I’m a little gutted you didn’t invite me along. It’s questionable behaviour but not the reasons you think. Questionable friend behaviour.
I bet you had backstage passes too, didn’t you? I bet you and Lionel were sat drinking tea and talking about ferns for a couple of hours like two drinking buddies. What’s your problem? Worried we might get on better with him, huh? That I might say something silly like, “where do you keep your pasta, Ly-Ly?” then throw a woolly hat over the balcony?
You make me sick sometimes you really do.
ABOFB 24: Free/Not FreeA Breath of Fresh Beans returns for its monthly instalment with what is possibly our longest ever episode!
Inside we discuss:
Sugar LumpsIt started with a casual remark in a conversation and, as always, it leads to stuff you didn’t know you wanted arriving in the post.
I’m talking of course about sugar cubes. Who knew they were still a thing?
I for one thought that they had been relegated to the winds of time by things like good hygiene practices and little paper packets, but how wrong I was. Imagine my ‘delight’ as two whole boxes of the things arrived at my door, accompanied by the now customary ring of the doorbell by the postman too lazy to actually push things through the previously acceptable flap.
I believe Chris’ package arrived first, in what can only be described as ‘inadequate’ packaging, (a plastic postage bag) looking mostly like a box of sugar, with some cubes left in it. Ian’s exotic brown sugar came next wrapped nicely in bubble wrap and in a box. (I’m assuming it was Ian as it was addressed to Kevin ‘Sweet San Hose’ Hill).
When I explained the arrival of these to Sarah, she declared that Ian was the winner as she used to sneak eat the brown sugar cubes at ‘Auntie’ Betty’s house when she was little.
following on from this, anyone who ‘pops round for a cuppa’ should now expect to find tea served on an overly flowery tray, with a little bowl of mixed sugar cubes ready and waiting.
Not that anyone puts sugar in tea these days.