User avatar Claim to Fame

Take a seat. Clean up your mess. In fact, you might want to reverse the order of those things. As long as you get them both done.

You should know that you may be within the vicinity of a local celebrity. Not that I like to spoil the surprise but the recent release of […]

User avatar Famous Award Acceptance Speeches – #47

Transcript from the original recording – 3 August 2014

“Thank you, thank you for your kind words.

When I first started the Woefully Inept Plumbing Company back in 2001 I was told that I, Woefully Inept, had a stupid name. They told me that my name was not a name and that whoever had named […]

User avatar Brioche: still an afterthought

Last week I bought a big bag of brioche buns for breakfast.

On Thursday and Friday I got some out and had them.

This morning, I was looking for breakfast in a kitchen that was increasingly looking breakfast-free, when inside the white Lego head I found the rest of the brioche rolls.

I didn’t think […]

User avatar Dear Beans… My Sink Shambles

Dear Beans,

I have a problem I need your assistance with.

Recently I went through a series of unfortunate circumstances in my bathroom (wa-hey (what?!)) which warranted a few posts, an award-winning film starring Robert Downey Jr and a nationwide book tour which culminated in worldwide fame and acclaim. Since then, well, I have tried […]

User avatar WHO DID THIS…

Oh yeah… Me.

I opened the Character Hatch, I wanted to find the bell tower. How much harm could it do? It’ll be fine. Right?

User avatar Dear Beans… My Car Is Cursed!

Dear Beans,

I have a problem I need your assistance with.

As previously mentioned in a previous post, I haven’t been driving very long. Even so I attempted to remember how to correctly to perform the reverse bay park manoeuvre and it kept me awake last night for at least 25 minutes. I think I […]

User avatar Terrible news

I don’t know how to tell you this. It’s too tragic for words.

In some ways we saw it coming, but still, when I walked down Church Road and saw what had happened, I couldn’t believe my eyes. Sexatronic has gone.


Once the home of Bum Chin Bollock Neck McGee, and then – […]

User avatar Older

Older, yes. I reach the end of this week battered and bruised by the harsh mistress of ageing. My face is lined, my hair grey and thinning, my walking stick arriving in the post tomorrow. The ravages of time leave me enfeebled.

But what has my additional age gained me? Insight, perhaps. I have thought […]