Picture comments!Elena asked recently… “Can I html an image into this comment box?” The answer then was no.
The answer now is still no, but I have added a funky new picture comment tool deeley to the site, which might come in handy.
HAPPY CHRISTMAS!
(Don’t say I never get you anything!)
P.S. I got a motherloving bean, motherlovers!
Famous Award Acceptance Speeches – #47Transcript from the original recording – 3 August 2014
“Thank you, thank you for your kind words.
When I first started the Woefully Inept Plumbing Company back in 2001 I was told that I, Woefully Inept, had a stupid name. They told me that my name was not a name and that whoever had named me was an idiot. That really got to me; that two hundred people could come up with the same idea, the same awful joke, and that two hundred people would take the time to call me up, as they did back then, and tell me. It’s not as if I’d never heard it before. I had a difficult time during school, and those of you that are close to me will know that growing up was no easy task. I was the butt of a lot of jokes that swept through the school like a rampant case of man flu. I certainly did my time several lifetimes over, but I held on in there and I got my two GCSE’s in Leisure and Tourism and Graphic Design, and until this moment that was the third happiest moment in my life.
Pauses to cough and take a sip from a glass of water
My company was built from the ground up. It took a very long time for the public to catch on that the Woefully Inept Plumbing Company was not a description of the kind of service they could expect from my staff, that I was not actively trying to describe the poor levels of work that would encourage the likes of BBC’s ‘Watchdog’ to come and investigate us. I did not want to name my company after anything else but the very thing that had kept me going through the darkest moments. I am me and I am my company, and to name it anything else would be cheating myself and my family out of the honour of having a successful business.
Yes, we did not turn a profit for over eight years yet my fierce determination would not deter me from my dream. You cannot spell ‘determination’ without ‘me’. You cannot spell ‘determination’ without ‘dream’.
I am that me. This is that dream.
So to all those people who ever doubted me, to those that mocked the choices that paved the way to this very point, and to those people that still call and send humorous emails with mean and derogatory comments, I accept this award on their behalf. Thank you.”
Lukewarm ToothpasteWinter hits the roofs of many,
Like death would touch the life of Kenny.
There’s nothing to revive the heat,
A fanciful, audible, minty treat.
That is, or was, or should have been
Until now. I have foreseen
The future, oh it blinds my gaze,
This thing will astound and amaze.
You need to see this, you need to taste
The power of lukewarm toothpaste.
It cuddles and caresses your gums,
Whether on brushes or on thumbs.
It’s stroking all your sexy edges,
On the streets and behind hedges.
It nestles and nuzzles and frequents
Those areas food just cann’t dent.
It’s watching you as you try to sleep,
So it can heat where you can’t creep.
You may be scared but hear my words,
They stick to you like lemon curds,
It would be such a dreadful waste
To not adore lukewarm toothpaste.
Beans Christmas Raffle!Hi all, welcome, welcome. It’s that time, not that time again because we haven’t done it before, but that time! Time for the Beans Christmas Raffle!
And boy do we have a doozy of a 1st Prize for you… One lucky winner will* win Chelmsford!
That’s right, the City of Chelmsford is the county town of Essex. It is located in the London commuter belt, and is just 32 miles north east of Charing Cross, and, get this, only 22 miles from Colchester! Once you win this fabulous new city, you will be in charge of a population of approximately 110,000! Think of what you could do with that.
Second prize will* be a Yardley Tac Set from Boots.
Third Prize is** a tin of Pinapple chunks!
Ooooooooooooh! Exciting isn’t it. 10 Tickets are yours for only £10.10 send you money now to:
Beans Christmas Raffle
Pouring Beans Estate
The Internet
PC1 1PC
* won’t
** isn’t
An moment of inspirationThis week I passed a statue of a great man on Woodford Green.
I stopped to admire it, and as I did so, I recalled the stirring words of what was probably his greatest ever speech:
“Iodine sandwiches; iodine sandwiches. Iodine sandwiches – iodine sandwiches, iodine sandwiches. Iodine sandwiches.”
Who among us could hear those words and fail to look around for a fascist dictatorship to defeat? Not I. That’s why I immediately set about decking anyone shifty I could see nearby.
Who have you decked recently, and why?
The Majestic Bird Goose
Some say that the name Bird Goose is one descriptive word too many. Some may be right, but the majestic Bird Goose cares not for those people. In fact he poops in their garden and then struts away (seen above).
Bird Goose is an excellent strutter and can often be found swaggering, striding or prancing in a pond near you (not seen above).
Bird Goose often wears incredibly fancy shawls (not seen above).
Bird Goose.
Bird.
Goose.
Brioche: still an afterthoughtLast week I bought a big bag of brioche buns for breakfast.
On Thursday and Friday I got some out and had them.
This morning, I was looking for breakfast in a kitchen that was increasingly looking breakfast-free, when inside the white Lego head I found the rest of the brioche rolls.
I didn’t think I was the kind of man who’d buy some tasty French treats and then forget about them, but it seems that all these years on I’ve learned nothing. Brioche is still an afterthought.
Luckily they hadn’t gone off because brioche keeps for ages, so I ate them anyway.
SocksSocks!
Pouring Beans, as usual, has its finger on the pulse of popular culture and, like everyone else, socks have become our number one topic of conversation this week. Everyone loves socks, and nobody can stop talking about them. So the question is – what’s your favourite kind of sock?
Choose now.
If you are having difficulty thinking of types of sock, here are some ideas: