Current Investigations

Have you seen this man?

The relevant authorities are currently looking for the suspect due to his possible involvement in the recent fires at the Jerry Loinsford Memorial Publishing house.

Referred to only as Kevindo Menendez to both friends and work colleagues, the suspect has on occasion, which is putting it lightly, been known to undertake various lengthy and overwhelming construction work to his current accommodation.

Even though his poodle grooming salon failed and ultimately closed several years ago, Mr Menendez, pictured here enjoying the benefits of traffic light jelly, has had recent success with his line of baked beans.

The suspect has not had any prior involvement in any incidents of arson, however several comments regarding the owner of the publishing house and his award-winning books and personality have placed him directly at the front of the authorities’ enquiries.

If you know the whereabouts of this reprobate, please contact someone wearing shoes.

A Sensual Awakening: Two Word Reviews

Everything gets reviewed these days, from mobile phones to toilet cleaners, so it seems only fair that The Papples latest body of work should be included.

Sarah and I sat down this fine evening to give ‘A Sensual Awakening’ a good going over, and decided that rather than use lots of words to accurately convey how we felt about each song, we’d do a two word review.

From Us.

To You.

Beans Christmas Raffle!

Hi all, welcome, welcome. It’s that time, not that time again because we haven’t done it before, but that time! Time for the Beans Christmas Raffle!

And boy do we have a doozy of a 1st Prize for you… One lucky winner will* win Chelmsford!

chelmsford-sign chelmsford-shirehall chelmsford-bridge

That’s right, the City of Chelmsford is the county town of Essex. It is located in the London commuter belt, and is just 32 miles north east of Charing Cross, and, get this, only 22 miles from Colchester! Once you win this fabulous new city, you will be in charge of a population of approximately 110,000! Think of what you could do with that.

Second prize will* be a Yardley Tac Set from Boots.

Third Prize is** a tin of Pinapple chunks!

Ooooooooooooh! Exciting isn’t it. 10 Tickets are yours for only £10.10 send you money now to:

Beans Christmas Raffle
Pouring Beans Estate
The Internet
PC1 1PC

* won’t
** isn’t

A Sensual Awakening

Details of the Papples’ forthcoming fifth studio album have just been released by the group’s vast publicity machine. Fans are eagerly awaiting the new release, which was apparently recorded last month and is undergoing final mastering and production work.

The cover and track list have been made available, and we can exclusively reveal them here on the Beans.

There are twelve tracks, though no word yet on which will be the lead single.

Good Invention
Captain’s Hat
10/10
Leg Jazz
Run With It
Instrumental
Dirty Work
You Can’t Clean a Sieve
Ghosts in the Microwave
Kerfuffle
Tigerplane vs Chickencopter
Swamp Hospital

The band have described this as a “concept album”, describing the tragic life of a reclusive genius. Legendary producer Nizzle is rumoured to have been involved throughout the album’s creation.

What the Chuff?

Just what is going on here?

If you think you have the answer then please feel free to comment below. The best answer will win a bag of salted shandys, or some strawberry laces.

Swings and roundabouts

Be honest. When you see a playground full of children, you wish the children weren’t there so you could have a go on it, don’t you? Research has shown that adults appreciate playgrounds 63% more than children do and children should be banned from them because they’re too busy crying and pushing each other and generally not making the most of them.