Clompetition time (again again)We’re back again to bother you with the possibility of having that briefest glimpse of hope of winning. Winning something? No, no, merely winning. You can’t put a price on that.
Today’s sponsor is Bluebocado, the fruit that never gives up. If you want the taste of blueberries with the hearty goodness of avocados then you need to get some Bluebocado in your life.
What sell by date did this attractive jar of marmalade have?
Easter EggcessYou probably know that, once Easter Sunday is gone, the supermarkets want to ditch their remaining Easter eggs and clear the shelves for something else.
Anyway, it turns out that if you’re a grown up you can do what you want, so on Monday we bought all this.
Then, on Tuesday, we came home to find that each of us had bought some more without mentioning it to the other. So now we have everything you see above, plus three more of the biggest Easter eggs, six more smaller ones, another 16 Creme Eggs, some sort of Creme Egg chocolate bar, quite a lot of Reese’s Eggs, numerous Cadbury’s Caramel eggs and two Toblerone products called Edgy Eggs.
We are now faced with a storage problem that, somehow, neither of us had foreseen.
Anyway, don’t worry too much, we’ll sort it out one way or another.
Newsboost – A Smidge too farFollowing on from last month’s report on the super trooper mega fruit, celebrity endorsements have been swooping in like magpies at a pirate’s birthday party.
People have been queuing around the block to try to get their greasy hands on the Bluebocado, the latest food to tantalise the taste buds of those lucky enough to find some. Our report in March highlighted the claims made by the manufacturer whilst also questioning the positive aspects that the scientists were pushing so hard into the public’s consciousness. It would seem as though those doubts were somewhat unfounded as people have been raving about the Bluebocado all over social media and in those groups of people you still see in offices huddled around water and coffee machines:
“Sensational!” wrote someone.
“A taste sensation,” wrote another.
“Has anyone called it ‘sensational’ yet?” queried my landlord.
We managed to secure a small punnet last week and after carving them into tiny morsels and putting them on cocktail sticks (still rocking the 1970’s here over at Newsboost towers) we can confirm that the Bluebocado tastes as good as the world is declaring.
As previously mentioned, celebrities have been lining up to offer their thanks, their praise and their time to continue the good word. Sting has decided to write an entire double album about the super fruit on his lute. Timothee Chalamet was pictured leaving a nightclub in Soho in the wee small hours with a pack under his leather jacket. Zendaya turned up at LAX with a megaphone to proclaim that the Bluebocado was the best thing to happen to her since teeth. What really surprised the world though was when the unlikeliest of candidates stepped up.
Walking almanac anorak of questions, Smidge Manley, held a press conference in his back garden earlier this week to announce that he would be the face of the Bluebocado. He claimed to have signed a lucrative contract with the owners for full exposure.
“I’ve decided not to run in the local by-election anymore because my heart lies with the delicate taste of the Bluebocado. You’ll soon see my face promoting it here, there and even everywhere. You may even get tired of seeing my face, at which point they’ll turn me into a cartoon raven or a bee, like they did with that dog insurance guy. Bernard? Thatcher? One of them. I’ll be him, but for fruit.”
An interesting turn of events by all accounts.
£40Needless to say I wasn’t previously aware that there was a market rate. But obviously everything has its price.
It’s an unbeatable price, that’s for sure. But are you tempted to buy or to sell?
Happening soonGuys, everyone, I know this is upsetting to some but I needed to get the word out now before it’s too late.
Gary Barlow is happening soon!
Now I’m not expecting people to start jumping into their nuclear bunkers immediately. It looks as though we have a window, how long is anyone’s guess. As long as you’re busy looking through Barlow Handbook when you have the chance to do so then that’s all we can ask.
Double check that you have plenty of water and tinned food. Carry out plenty of practise exercises with your ear defenders and earplugs.
Don’t take any risks. If you see a Gary Barlow coming towards you, whether or not he is singing, turn around calmly and walk in the other direction with your hands over your ears.
And whatever you do, don’t click that button; you do *not* want any more information.
A criminal actSorry to end the month on a downer, but I think this has to be shared.
I no longer eat at the canteen at work. The reasons are varied, and include steadily deteriorating portion sizes, a reduction in options and eye watering prices. The thing that finally put paid to my days as an occasional canteen customer, though, was this.
This was sold as a Yorkshire pudding.
I don’t know what it was made of or how it was produced. It was not a Yorkshire pudding. It neither looked nor tasted like one. And even leaving aside the hideous insult this presents to my homeland, and taking it only on the merits of it being a foodstuff someone had prepared, it was pretty much inedible. Somehow its creator had created a substance that was simultaneously chewy and inedibly hard.
Anyway, it was a little while ago now and I’m not nearly as upset as I was, but I will be referring the matter to the police all the same.
SpoonsI’ve developed a new hobby… carving spoons. Its really therapeutic. I got the idea as I was pondering something different we could teach the scouts on camp, and I happened across the idea of spoon carving.
I did what most people do these days and looked on amazon, where I discovered that hook knives (that you need to carve out the ‘bowl’) are too expensive to buy 15 of them for a camp. So then I looked at eBay, and discovered that you cant buy knives on ebay. So then I looked at AliExpress, the cheaper, dodgier, Chineseier version of Amazon and bought a load of them for £2.50 each! Woo.
Anyway I had to get a bit of practice in before I taught a load of kids how to do it, so after too many hours on YouTube these are the result, my spoons.
From left to right…
So there you are. Spoons.
ABOFB 37: This is Your Life (Movie)A Breath of Fresh Beans returns from the loo, with a lovely ponderance from Ian about who would play each of us in the move adaption of our life stories. We discuss…