If you ask the question
About what is the best one,
The bakery transcendent,
The cakery resplendent:
I answer it with ease, take
Away your silly cheesecake.
Gingerbread and Eccles
Will meet only with my heckles;
Pineapple upside-down
Meet the deepest darkest frown.
You will find I have no time
For fondant fancy or key lime;
Though partial to a parkin,
There is only one worth markin’.
I tip my hat as witness
To the cake with all the citrus:
Lemon drizzle cake
Is the shizzle cake,
The finest there is,
Lemon driz
Is the biz.
Category: Delicious
Potato Nostalgia
Around this time of year a lot of people get nostalgic. They remember years gone by, people who have left us and happy memories sitting next to your toxic gas fire, using the flames to make toast, rather than getting up and using the grill, like the little fat bastard you are (or I was).
Whilst I was rummaging around in some old papers I came across this little gem:
A single tear flew from my eyelid and hit the ground, no doubt causing a tsunami half a world away.
Pots Tatoas were my very convoluted and confusing way of asking Chris if he wanted to get a baked potato for lunch way, way, way back in the dim and distant past when we both worked in Leeds city centre.
Sadly we all missed Pots Tatoas Day this year but I hope that everyone puts it in their diary so we can rally round and stoke the oven (?) in time to enjoy its merits next year.
Healthy eating
Christmas is over and we’ve all eaten a bit too much. Too many roast potatoes*. Too many chocolates. Too much cake.
What you need is something healthy. Something full of nutrition. Something light and fresh. And thankfully, I have just the thing. Presenting the Pouring Beans 2018 Burger and Salad Special, a meal that superficially looks like burger and chips but which cunningly includes a generous helping of lush, healthy greenery. Enjoy!
* I’m being silly, of course. There is no such thing as too many roast potatoes.
Big Frank’s World Domination: Chips
There I was, hungry and looking forward to a tasty chip-like snack. And what do I find? I find that my dad’s muscled in to the lucrative spicy chips market.
Obviously I’m a particularly fancy chap, so I had the Luxury Truffle Chips instead.
Teapipes
Things are complicated now, aren’t they? There’s a lot going on.
I can’t fix that, but I can give you a ninety second holiday from all the complicated stuff in the world of 2018 by taking you back in time to 2012, an innocent age when anything seemed possible, and three handsome young men asked themselves the question: why should a man only be able to drink one cup of tea at once?
OK. That’s all there is. Now get back to your stupid complicated life.
The Third Kind of Water
Episode 10: The trouble with wasps
A new episode I hear you exclaim with glee. With an increasingly erratic release schedule, this surprise new episode includes Chris, Ian and Kev rambling incoherently about:
- Bees vs Wasps
- Ian’s money management
- Jams and Chutneys
- The pickle conundrum.
Time Hole
Welcome to the Time Hole. Do you want to see the past? Do you want an insight into how things once were? Could you handle how much a time share in London was in 1982?
Regardless of how you answer these questions, it doesn’t matter. Let me present you with a recent find of mine. I “stumbled” across a copy of the Women’s Journal from 1982 (as you do) and inside was a bounty of adverts. And I do mean a bounty, because half the magazine was adverts. I don’t think I would have minded paying the 60p for it 36 years ago but my eyes would have screamed over from the sheer volume of glossy makeup, perfume, skincare, appliances and cooking apparel pornography thrust directly into my brain.
Luckily things are a little (little, I’m not referring to you, Little Miss Internet) bit more toned down for 2018. Let’s open the Time Hole for a bit. You like butters and spreads, right? So did people in 1982:
I was planning on scanning the whole thing but, as Emma quite rightly pointed out, every time you turned the page it creaked as though the glue was about to give up and run away to Greece to open a juice bar down on the beach.
I’ve never heard of this brand. I can only presume it doesn’t exist anymore, meaning that that the high demand referred to in the advertisement was actually baloney. Still, I’m sure 95% of the industry is baloney and the “butter mountain” was a real thing seen HERE in all its glory courtesy of our good friends at popular online wank-filtered encyclopaedia Wikipedia.
I wasn’t alive then but it sounds as though it was a good time for all.
The people have spoken and…
… is what they said. Never let it be said that here at Pouringbeans we don’t give the people what they want. We do, we always do, and we give them it in spades. SPADES!
Without any more fuss, let me present to you, straight from the ever-busy laboratories of Kevindo Menendez…
Antimatter Water
In an interview with New Scientist, Menendnez said:
The article goes on to state that “In 1999, NASA gave a figure of $62.5 trillion per gram of antihydrogen” so we can only gasp in awe at the sheer cost of the singular glass of Antimatter Water that Menendez managed to create.
The glass of impossibly expensive anti-water will be presented to a Mr. C. Marshall, along side a selection of budget waters from Aldi, at an upcoming meeting to discuss the ludicrous installation of additional eyes to Mr. Marshall’s face.