Avatar Four Word Reviews: Joy

Do you know what it isn’t any more? It isn’t April. And that’s a shame, because April is traditionally the month in which we Four Word Review the heck out of a Christmas album (see Mahalia, Barbra Streisand, Michael Bublé), and right now I’ve got another Christmas album burning a hole in my CD collection. So let’s throw tradition to the wind and have a listen to Joy: A Holiday Collection by Jewel, even though it’s May and May is nowhere near as inherently Christmassy as April.

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Avatar Big Frank’s Global Domination – The Music Biz

So what do you do when you’ve already conquered the chips, graphic design, computers, cycle hire and boat hiring services worlds? What else could you possibly need to include in your empire to satisfy your desperate need for a domineering monopoly over the rest of the world? You want to stick your dorsal fins tightly into the music business, that’s what.

Not just any music business though. You need to enter the Southern California hardcore scene. We have all seen Big Frank and he is clearly obsessed with thrash metal, speed metal, hardcore and the like. If he’s not punking out on the roof, spitting at pigeons and throwing pork pies at strangers then he’s working tirelessly to move the hardcore scene forward with his enduring work ethic.

Let us not forget that this was the man who started Nemesis Records and who put out the first Offspring album. Big Frank began as a tea boy and worked his way up all the way to the top, grinding his teeth with local bands such as Fisticuffs, Mental Eric, Cracked Vase, Hate Your Mum and What a To Do before moving to producing some of the tastiest albums of big hitters like Vaynes, Syck Syck, Death Hands and Cheryl’s Anus.

To put everyone else to shame too, as well as doing all of this he is a full-time tattoo artist and looks after sick and injured animals. I mean I may as well give up now, there is no way I can ever compete with this man. He must work 26 hour days. Big Frank is clearly a glutton for punishment; what a guy.

The next time you’re getting neck pains from rocking too hard, I hope you’ll think of Biggy F and his overwhelming contribution not just to music but also to the world. You think long and hard, sunshine.

Avatar Big Frank’s Global Domination – Computers

It seems as though Big Frank has entered a bit of an identity crisis as we smoothly slide into the month of May (the month of May). Not only has he relocated abroad to Denmark but he’s also started to refer to himself as Big Little Frank, which completely changes the dynamic of EVERYTHING.

It is a rule that once you attach the ‘Big’ moniker to your name, once you have reached a certain age, there is no going back. No variation will be allowed and, in some cases, the ‘Big’ has been stripped from those who have tried to circumvent this tradition that has been carried on for centuries. Needless to say, the ‘Council of Big’ will be contacting Big Frank shortly to discuss all of this.

In the meantime let us look upon his new business adventure regardless.

Big Little Frank are based in Copenhagen and build powerful Mac Pro 5.1 systems for professionals within film and video-editing, colour grading, photography, 3D and motion graphics, architecture, music production, graphic design, software development and more.

They design a different Mac Pro for every single customer, based on an analysis of their specific workflow, the programs they use, and tailored on their needs. That, I think, is very nice.

Their undying admiration and affection for “the best Mac that Apple ever built”, the Mac Pro 5.1, knows no bounds and they use the very best, modern and powerful components available, for a performance unseen before in the Mac ecosystem. And the results are incredible.

There is a lot going on there, far too much for some like me to consider. Luckily though I feel that the month of May (the month of May) will allow me enough time to suck in all of this information and spew it out at the right moment. I feel like I should also point out that this month it is the month of Month, the monthiest month that ever was due to TWO Bank Holidays (and one world cup) that we can all enjoy. Please feel free to enjoy the month of Month whichever way you see fit.

Avatar Big Frank’s Global Domination – Graphic Design

It’s been a while since we last caught up with Chris’ dad, Big Frank, so let’s delve back into his crazy life and see what he’s been up to in the last twelve months.

It seems as though Big Frank has grown tired of boats and bicycles, and has entered the challenging word of graphic design. His new company, BigfrankMedia, are a creative graphic design communications agency working across all media in London. He works closely with clients, building long term relationships and delivering practical solutions that work.

This is in direct contrast to when I last saw him, telling Alexa to find a song so that he could play this to me, and inviting me into his house for pre-Christmas booze.

I am also reliably informed that BigfrankMedia has an innovative, hands-on approach. He designs everything from brochures, books, magazines and posters to websites, interiors and identities. If he’s known well throughout London I am surprised that Chris has not mentioned this sooner, given that he is Lord Mayor and Emperor of somewhere down South, presumably London.

I have always known Big Frank to be positive and committed to making a difference. It is nice that he is carrying the same ethics across to his company and bringing joy to people’s lives.

With the deepest of respect, I think we should all raise a glass to toast our dear friend and sometimes parent, Big Frank.


Avatar Big Frank’s Global Domination – Boats and Boards

It would appear as though modes of transport feature prominently in Big Frank’s corporate takeover of everything. And why shouldn’t it? Without transportation the world would be a shuffling mass of high-waisted, thick legged, wind-encrusted bipedal animals. One cannot take lightly the invention of the steamroller, the tractor, the ice cream or hot dog cart and the penny farthing. I could not get from ‘A’ to ‘B’ and maybe sidle over to ‘E’ when I’m feeling funky unless I had my trusty one of them mentioned above.

And so we move on from my common ramblings to the business at hand:

Big Frank’s Outdoors

It would appear as though Frank is trying to reprimand the whole of the outside world, and what a feat that would be if he was successful. As well as this though his business, located in the shady realm of Maryville, Tennessee, does a broad deal in boats, boards and cycling equipment.

The blurb says that, “after enjoying a successfully 17 year career in sales with two national corporations, he decided it was time to follow his passion. His love of adventure and the great outdoors was calling and it was time to answer.  Frank started Big Frank’s Outdoors with the hopes of combining his business knowledge and his favourite hobbies biking, boarding, and boating.” This is clearly our Big Frank.

One of my first meetings with him was when I went round to see Chris. Big Frank was balanced on a boat, floating in the back garden, trying to pop a wheelie on a mountain bike. It was the most incredible thing I had seen that morning and a memory that will stay with me long after the curtains have closed on my sorry a*s. He does love his bike-balancing escapades.

I only wish his “Outdoors” was close enough for me to visit and share the love. It wouldn’t be global domination though if all his conquests were on my doorstep. In fact it would be fairly narrow-sighted and just a little big lacking if I walked outside of work to see Big Frank’s face across the road. No, it is obvious that in order to continue his empire he must spread like a soft cheese around the world.

I look forward to where he lands next.

Avatar Big Frank’s Global Domination – Cycle Hire

So what do you do in your free time? Do you play the piano or drop pianos on old ladies for fun? Do you read magazines or use magazines to funnel small rodents into old people’s homes?

If you do, then you should be judged for appalling behaviour. That is not on and I will be using a magazine or an old person to tap you on the nose for good measure.

What I like to do in my free time is to learn about the numerous business ventures that Chris’ dad, Big Frank, has delved into during his retirement. Given that he already has a full-time family to run, including two not very small buckets of chiles, you would think that this would monopolise all of his time. Not so. My investigations have first led me to Coventry where Big Frank runs a cycle hire facility. It is a little unusual that there is no official website for this but I can confirm that they operate at two country parks, Kingsbury Water Park and Ryton Pools County Park, and open at 10:00am at weekends.

Kingsbury Water Park is 600 acres in size with many paths for traffic free cycling. If you want to go further, you can join the Fazeley to Birmingham canal or try the North Warwickshire Cycle way.

Ryton Pools Country Park is situated some 30 miles from Birmingham between Leamington Spa and Ryton-on-Dunsmore. Its smaller than KWP but it does have the start and finish of a lovely 16 mile cross-country run. With gravel paths, the park is perfect for KMX karting.

This information was not at all lifted from another website.

Whilst I am very thankful for his efforts in hiring out cycles to families in the West Midlands area, I am concerned about the exposure and think that with a little nudge he should venture forth with a website to promote the business more.

The sky’s the limit when it comes to Big Frank.