What you sometimes forget about your car is that, as well as a whole universe of complicated machinery and electronics, one of the things it needs in order to work properly is air. Your tyres are designed to imprison the right amount of air in exactly the place it’s required. I advise you to do your best to keep it there, and I will tell you why.
Crossword
Time to sit down with a nice cup of tea, and perhaps pull a rug across your knee to keep you warm like an old person, while you have a go at the Pouring Beans Crossword Puzzle. There’s no prizes, it’s just for fun, and possibly not even that.
Answers in a few weeks. Good luck.
Across
1: Morrissey’s typical remark on seeing some birds (8)
5: Fair description of former regular commenter Pete Doherty (4)
8: The Beans Massive wrote a book about a Magic one (4)
11: A Lego car of the right size (8)
Down
1: A Montessori school activity requires children to pour these (5)
2: Chris’s favourite brand of pesto. Making crosswords is difficult and sometimes you just have to go with whatever fits (5)
3: The location of Dr Rombobulous Combobulation’s hat in relation to his head (4)
4: What we store on the Magical Computers (4)
6: A Jewish priest. It has nothing to do with the Beans but, again, it fits, and beggars can’t be choosers (5)
7: The number we need and are (5)
9: A Smidge Manly impersonator stole this from the real Smidge (4)
10: Noise made by lions and also former regular commenter Brian Blessed (4)
Newsboost – Hill Ham Hurrah
Here at Newsboost we have been granted exclusive access to Kevin’s new kitchen worktop and, in my humble opinion, especially one which knows sod all about quartz, it’s a bit of a something special.
We were also granted an exclusive interview with the man himself.
News berk: So what do you think?
Kevin: I think it’s the most wonderful thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life. Ian had to loan me some of his spare eyes so I could gaze at the glaze a little bit more.
News berk: After all the time you spent getting it right, was it worth it?
Kevin: Absolutely. 105 days it may have taken, I may have lost most of my hair and destroyed the neighbouring village in my frustrations but it’s over now.
News berk: What do you intend to use the kitchen worktop for first? What’s top o’ the worktop to-do list top?
Kevin: I’m going to lay out a chaise lounge of cheeses for the kids and some very sensual cakes for me and the wife. It’s going to be a great night.
News berk: What advice would you give to any other aspiring kitchen worktop enthusiasts out there?
Kevin: Don’t do it.
Last thought of February
Lockdown art: Dr. Lips
During lockdown many of us have taken up new hobbies, many of us have refined existing ones and some of us have just tried to get through it without murdering everyone in close proximity due to extreme cabin fever.
In our house the conservatory has become the kids ‘art & craft studio’, by which I mean its the easiest room to hose down when all the paint and play dough is finished with. Its also where the kids love of doodling and colouring has been honed throughout lockdown. Last week I decided to clear up the massive pile (about 2 reams of papers worth) of doodles, drawings and scribbles that have amassed in the box that has pens and stuff in. It was long overdue.
Most of it went in the bin, I saved the choice articles, the pictures which showed real flare and effort, but in going through the pile I rediscovered some gems from not only the kids but me and Sarah too. This week I present to you… Dr. Lips.
I have a vague memory of drawing Dr. Lips, but I have no idea of his backstory. I also have no idea why he’s hanging out with Mr Strong and one of the Chuckle Brothers.
Do you know Dr. Lips? Perhaps you met him in an Aldi carpark once? Maybe he checked you over that time you though you had herpes? Let us know in the comments.
Episode 23: Hiding Things
A Breath of Fresh Beans returns for season 4: The Skype Year(s).
In this glorious return the three of us discuss:
- Secret blankets
- Blanket mockery
- Schrodinger’s Picture
- Bed porn
Travels with the Pernickety Dickhead
It is unfortunate but true that, for about two years between the ages of 21 and 23, I was an absolutely insufferable tool who would send snotty, condescending letters of complaint at the slightest provocation. This fact was recently brought to light when I raided my correspondence folder for material for a Virtual Winston Pub Quiz and found that almost everything in there was a shameful tirade to one company or another dating from the years 2005 to 2007.
Due to popular demand, I will now open up this archive of horrendous antisocial behaviour to the public for your enjoyment.
Take a trip with me
Pack your bag, grab a coat and head off with me to a mystical place, a place where only the brave may date to enter and only the fiercest survive. If you have the courage then perhaps you will make it to the very peak of n’cle.
In all honesty, I’ve never been to n’cle. It’s clearly listed on a lot of signs around here but whenever I head in the general direction it disappears. It is as though n’cle is more of a concept than anything else, it’s a state of mind. You don’t go to n’cle because you’re either there or you’re not. You can’t get there if you’re already there. Yeah, something deep and meaningful like that.
I have dreamt of hiring a helicopter and flying closely over the terrain in the hope of finding a physical, tangible thing. Perhaps n’cle is so small that only the locals know where it is. Perhaps it’s a stump in the middle of a dell, or a well, or a part of Hadrian’s Wall with a bad smell.
These are all theories though and none of which get me closer to n’cle. I will forever be chasing it, desperate to taste it, smell its goods and embed myself within its warm embrace. Embed? Definitely embed.